Letter to myself

Lookign back there are always those key moments in your life that at the time you didn't realize how much impact it would make even years later. Though some are negative it always amazes me (at least in my life) how even out of the negative, positive came. Anyway thinking of this I decided that maybe i need to sit and reflect...but reflecting only goes so far. I'm much better in letter form. So Ihave chosen to write to myself. How this will go and what order I know not-but I'm giving it a try and then leaving it out there for all of you to read. So here it is

Jesika-

First and foremost you have become the woman you have always dreamed to be, and you do not give yourself enough credit. You have three beautiful children and an amazing husband that would capture the moon for you if you only asked. You have achieved being a stay at home mom and your children are thriving. You always put them first without a second thought or even a smidge of missing the old days. You're 2.5 years smoke free, and you make a effort everyday to stay that way. You have so much to be proud of...why is it that you constantly feel like you're not good enough?

You have three children, your house should not be spotless. If your livingroom was spotless-then your children would have no toys and they would not be having fun. If your computer room was spotless you son would not have his 500million cars to drive around the house and keep you on your toes trying to avoid stepping on them. If Kaelins room was spotless than the kids would not have their get away where mommy and daddy rarely come and interfere with the mess they make in their quest of playtime. If the Kitchen was spotless your family would not enjoy home cooked meals on a weekly basis and great conversation at the table. Your mess is a house, a house that is LIVED IN. It is not FILTHY by any means...it's disorganized but clean. you wont find piles or dirt, or week old food in the livingroom (minus the sippy cups that have gotten lost and not recovered quite yet) When your children grow up what do you think they will be more fond about? The fact that the house was always clean? or that you made time to let them finger paint--even though--it causes even more mess to pick up. Do you thik they care that the dishes severely need to be done? Do you thik they care that they tripped and fell over something on their bedroom floor. NO they dont--why?? Because the dishes on the counter just filled their bellies. The toy on the floor is the one that each and every night gives them comfort to fall asleep-had they not tripped on it they wouldn't have realized it was there...which leads them to put it back on the bed where it belongs, therefore avoiding an all out search for it at bedtime. Everything you do is to see your children smile. The laundry is piled up...so what!!! Your children still have plenty to wear before they'll need it all washed. Seriously stop and look at what you have. Your husband does not care if you didn't get AROUND to somehitng...so stop apologizing to him.
You've had three children you're not supposed to look like a high school girl anymore, instead your body is one of a woman. A woman that beared three children, a woman who rather than spending hours at the gym is watching Backyardigans and reading "A Moose in Maine" aloud each week. When you children see you they are not thinking how the extra handles on your side protrude over your pants, or how your nipples now point more toward the ground than toward the wall. Instead they just like the way you feel when you hold them, they know that a kiss from mommy can make the worst ouchy feel better or that mommy standing in the kitchen teaching them the chicken dance is by far the funniest thing to happen today, although they cant say it-they love that you make them laugh. When your husband looks at you, he doesn't notice the dimples in your legs or how your belly jiggles with each step. He could care less if you woke up and ate three omlets instead of going running. All he cares is that you know how much he loves you, all he wants from you is a kiss goodnight and if you're not up to anymore than that, he never gives you a hard time-instead says "I understand, and I love you" He loves the ways your skin feels, He loves the sound of your laugh and the taste of your kiss HE thinks YOU alone a the fairest of them all.
You are a mom and a wife...anything more than those alone is a bonus. If you get the dishes done today BONUS! If you organize one cupboard or ten BONUS! If you actually feel up to giving more than a kiss.....BBOOONNNNUUUUSSS!!!!!! But if you dont get to all that-you are still amazing, and beautiful in your own way. You still have accomplished a lot in your lifetime of 25years. Everything you have...you should be proud of. You've come soo far in such a short amount of time...you've made your parents proud, you've given them a lot to show off and have become the person they raised you to be. You've made your grandparents proud, they know you have one hell of a man behind you, they know that despite how hardheaded you are, you know when to ask for help. And even though he is not here to tell you, you have certainly made your Grandpa Steve proud!!