Marriage

So I was recently told by 2 (count it t.w.o.) people that my husband and I have a fairy tale marriage, marriages like ours dont really exist. Flattered as I was, often times I feel as though I am living a fairy tale, I was also disappointed that people think that it's something that just happens. Don't get me wrong, in a way it does. I didn't just marry any asshole, I waited for my knight in shining armor, or better yet, my southern gentleman to come sweep me off my feet. Boy did he ever, right onto my back (BAH---you really didn't expect me to not say that did you?? Okay well if you did I'm sorry, you just do not know me that well!!) ANYWAY--fifty shades aside...for now. Our marriage is the most important thing in our life (GASP--i know I've said it before, or at least I think I did...yes more important than our children) <<---holy shit...she really just said that!!! Why would she say such a thing?? BECAUSE..it is key to sucess. When we dont agree with how the child is being disciplined, I try very hard not to call him out on the spot 1. He is the disciplinarian, and 2. it is important for your children to see you stand as a united front. Before I go any farther....MUCH of this I learned from my parents and they are still going strong at idk some 30 plus years (31 really). If you show your kids that you do not stand united, they will weasle their little way in and work you up and down. Trust me you may think at the age of two they dont understand that, but they really do, maybe not in the sense of what they are doing is wrong...but if mommy says no...daddy can still say yes. One of the most annoying things I heard as a child when asking for somehting was "Well what did your mother/father say" I knew the chances were grim. One of my most favorite sayings "what did your father say" It's so funny how becoming an adult renders your speech of your mothers tongue. How is that not a language in its own yet??? Jump back on task. I guess to better put this I should write a list, I can add to it as I go, but otherwise I will sound like a rambling mess like above..what can I say love makes me cr@zy!!! Okay so 1. Your marriage is first, above your children. together you make your children top priority (explaination above, 2-?? will be below, if you get stuck come back to number one. Here you will find all the answers.)

2. Sex (not fifty shades sex...just sex...although fifty shades will bring you out of a rut I promise--speaking of which I'll be right back) KIDDING

3. Talk about anything, about everything, just talk.

4. Wrestle

5. Pick on each other

6. Sex

7. Share the load (ha...housework...although...nevermind)

8. Give them time to be them

9. Give their self esteem a random boost

10. Don't take sides

11. (personal to me...but someone out there might have it to) Do NOT distiguish Step parent from real parent..we're all parents here, if you cant show...oh wait not til the bottom right! umm I guess I need to go back and look at one...til later

12. ALWAYS say I'm sorry

13. Sex

14. ALWAYS say I'm sorry

15. Know that it will not matter tomorrow, or next week or five years from now

16. I despise the rule "never go to bed mad" well we've gone to bed mad plenty of time, we just....again number 1

17. INITIATE sex

18. Remember to schedule time for just you two

19. Remember to schedule time for just you

20. Find things you enjoy doing together and you SUCCEED at doing together.

21. Know that when money gets tight, it's a time for you to grow as a couple, not fall apart.

22. Dont ever let your marriage become work.

23. Divorce is never an option (except obvious cases which I will outline again look at one, you'll find where)

24. Always remember why you fell in love

25. MAKE time to find similar interests


Okay so that is enough for now, if (or when) I think of more I will add later. Now let me explain--at least how I interpretted them from my parents, and the ones I've come to learn in our four short years of marriage. Yes I totally get we've only been together 5 years we're still newbies, it will all change, blah blah blah. My parents heard that for years, and to these neigh sayers I will just say "We live to prove you wrong"

Alright 2: Sex. As you know I have repeated this many times in here. Sex is important, the less you have it the less you want it. The more you have it the more you want. I for one feel sexier after sex and I'm sure it boosts my mans ego also. Not to mention I can tell from his attitude when he needs it! 3: Talk about anything, everything..just talk. We've all been in the relationships where you finally get alone time only to discover you have nothing to talk about. Or the TV is on, so there is no conversation. Make time for conversations, shut off the TV, go out to dinner. Be interested in what they are saying even if it really doesn't matter to you, the simple fact that you care enough to listen will mean the world 4: Wrestle. I'm not saying in terms of under the sheets, though that is fitting to, I am saying in general..horse around, "beat" each other up, not to actually be hurt but to just have fun. Those 3mins of carefree childish behavior can jumpstart a bad day, or refresh you to start doing something else, or lead you to actually having real conversations--they are all relative! 5: Pick on Each other. I'm fairly certain there are a few people out there that DESPISE that I laugh at my husband when he gets hurt. I'm not saying bleeding out hurt, but tried pulling a move to beat me to the door, slips on something, gashes his hand open catching himself. To me that's funny...not that he is in pain but for the mere aspect that he was trying to beat me and fell flat on his face, that combined with watching it all happening and the slow motion playing over and over in my head is hilarious. He stubs his toe...it's funny. Gives himself a black eye...hilarious! It is how we work, he laughs at me too, he has laughed at watching me in pain during labor....not during, but after. One of our favorite things to do is to scare each other, though I admit he is much better at it than I am! 6: Sex...see #2 this time switch it up, lets not do missionary how about trying woman on top 7: Share the load, try getting your head out of the gutter from the last post. Todd does most of our laundry. For me it's not top priority considering half the time I will be lucky to shower every other day! I do most of the housework. However if I'm not feeling well or had a particularly bad night with the kids he takes over. If i have a super busy week, I come home to find the house picked up. He doesn't EXPECT me to do everything, nor do I expect him to do anything, we just do, and it works well. 8: Give them time to be them. How to explain this one. Todd has ways of doing things, they drive me nuts but it is nothing worth the fight. I am fully aware that when I organize something one way...he will end up changing it. The cupboards prime example, i like same soups in a row...he likes them stacked. I now stack them bc I know he will just change it if I dont the minute he looks in the cupboard. I'm creative, I like to think up new ideas, I like to draw, cook, write whatever it is. I enjoy it, I may not finish it but that doesn't stop him from encouraging me when so many others just want to rip me down. 9: Give them random self esteem boosters: Okay my husband sucks at this, but I knew that coming into the marriage. However it is just as important to men, sometimes more so, to get their egos stroked every once in awhile. Remind them how important they are to you and how much you need them, and how sexy they are to you. it could be in the form of a quick text, a little note, a card, a simple phrase. I usually say what just comes to mind. If I look at him and it pops into my head "God I have a sexy husband" I dont keep it to myself, I say it outloud. If I'm cleaning and getting things ready and I think of how much he does for us, I will send him a quick message telling him I couldn't live wihtout him and he makes me so happy. When he's working his crazy hours where I wont really see him for days I hide a note in his bag, usually a sexy one so he thinks of me while he is gone. I went on a vacation to FL for 11days with the kids and he had to stay home and work....longest 11 days of my life. I planned meticulously for everyday I was gone a local flowershop dropped off a note and a single daisy in our wedding colors to him at work. In that moment he thought of me and not just missing me thought of me, and in those moments he knew how much he meant to me with all of the careful planning I did! 10: Dont take sides. This is really hard, you might not agree to how your signifacant other is handling something with your children or with a friend, but do not speak up in front of everyone. Wait for behind closed doors to discuss it. You will save a fight later and you will better understand why they chose to handle it the way they did, you might not have seen the whole picture. Okay that is it for now, I will finish the others at a later date in another post...but for now Naptime is over! Keep it real!

School Time Again

It is that time of year again where we are all about to send our children back to school. A much needed break from the chaos of summer, but you cant help but feel the tug on the heart strings as you are preparing.

I recently read a post of a friend who because of her husbands career, moved out of state with Teenage children. Just today they started school and she watched them get on the bus and has been nothing but tears knowing they have to endure a new school, a new atmosphere, and no friends right there to help them through it. I cried reading the post. This is very similar to feelings of sending your children to Pre-K, Kindergarten...even first grade.

I have found myself in tears many times this past week sending our oldest back to school. At this age they do not really have everyday friends. Not to mention every other week she is with her father...out of town. It never fails friends want her to come over on those weekends. Then you make plans to attend a birthday party, then family memebers come to visit and you completely forget that she had a birthday party (totally guilty and feeling horrible that she missed it because she adores this little girl) Or parents send invites home via school...and they never make it home, or you find them in their bedroom weeks later!

wehre am I going with this? Well to be honest, I'm nto quite sure. I just know in the pit of my stomach I worry my sweet little girl will be friendless...because of me forgetting, because she really doesnt get the chance to go places, because we are so busy in our own lives inviting friends over really doesn't happen. She is outgoing, and sometimes too loud, she likes to talk and she tends to butt into conversations. Though we try to teach her the polite ways of handling things, I'm not sure how much actually works. You want soo much to protect them from the mean kids, and push them toward the good ones, but it's not up to us. You dont want them to feel left out, or be picked on...but how do you stop it if it happens? She is also the youngest in our clogging group as much as I hope she makes friends there I worry that thye will end up looking at her as the annoying little one. I don't know my reasons for worrying, maybe it is my own insecurities following me. I can control my feelings, I cant control hers and I dread the day she comes home crying because so and so was mean to her.

Not an all out blog today I know, and I have been severely slacking. This is becoming my outlet. I could post about the magical vaginas we all have...but I'm quite sure that topic has been "legitamately" over done. I dont know about all of you but if my vagina was equipt with an anti rape super power it would sure beat the hell out of killing the sperm...i rather prefer my loins would light his on fire ;o)