seriously...buy some damn soap

Okay so heres the deal. We no longer need to bathe or wash our linens, undergarments and dishes...in muddy water. First there was a great invention of soap, this does wonders. At the very least it masks the smell that your body or your lazy butt hasn't taken the time to wash on a daily basis. Secondly soap is great for getting rid of germs. Oh you havent heard of those. Let me explain those are these filthy little vermin that attatch themselves to everything and carry around with them disease, colds, viruses...etc. Even things like e-coli in which if you were not aware comes from your butt!! Next clean water...this doesnt involve the boiling and sifting out of the water from the creek but instead the town does it all on its own!! Sure we pay for it, but it's well worth it when you can have sparkling teeth instead of swollen gums and teeth falling out....oh yes I forgot somehow you missed health and hygeine in high school. Well here is a quick course.

First and foremost the thing sticking out of your bathroom wall that water comes out of is called a shower....SH-OW-ER! Now what you do is you strip down naked hell if you want to wear your clothes in it will do a double service for you since you havent heard of a washing machine. Anyway...get in the shower, with a washcloth (they are a square peice of terrycloth that work very well to lather soap on) or a loufa (kinda like a big ball of net...also to lather soap) put soap on your choice of washing device and here is the kicker....lather and scrub your body. Please do not forget the most important parts under your arms and between your legs. Now rinse...if neccesary (which in your case it is) repeat. Next shampoo your hair and condition if needed. If further explaination is needed please google "Shampoo and Conditioner". When you step out of the shower you now take a large rectangular piece of terrycloth (also known as a towel) and dry off. Now before you get too carried away and feel the need to get dressed just so you dont forget, please take that bristly thing on your sink that has the handle on it and put toothpaste on it and scrub your teeth. This will help immensely with your bad breath and the fur that you feel on your teeth....even better we will really appreciate the extra effort. Next i sincerely hope that you do wash your clothes, especially since I really dont think you know what deoderant is, there fore your stench from the previous day would still be on them. To find out what deoderant is...please google.

Okay so now....god forbid, you have decided to procreate. Lord help us-I am unsure as to why perfectly wonderful...clean...people are unabel to have children and then YOU are able to concieve. Not lord help us....Lord help that child. This is where washing your dishes comes in huge. Do you really want your child to be exposed to more germs than what our world already exposes on a daily basis. Let me break it down even more. When there is GRIME around the screw top of a childs bottle, when there is formula left from the day before stuck in the nipple because you are unaware to turn the nipple inside out to wash...and rinsing does NOT count as washing. Lastly drop ins for playtex are not reusable to the point that they smell like musty old water and mildew. Reuse....1 day. This means if you are giving them formula in one bottle, you can use it again for the day, but the following day when you pull out a new bottle...you pull out a new drop in. New meaning...not rised...it mean out of the box of "drop-in's" that you purchased at the store. It's not like these are expensiver for a box of 100, you pay $10. Hell when you buy a new bottle there is a dollar coupon off the drop ins...so you now pay $9. Last but not least a nipple is not meant to be used from the day the child was born until they stop using bottles. There is a little infor also when you buy the bottle that if the nipple gets bigger than the presized piece shown than you should throw away and buy new to avoid choking.

To finish off...at the very least when you wipe your child, make sure that the poop is all off the butt cuz incase you dont know...dried on poop is harder to get off than fresh poop. I do hope that you take the time to do this to yourself...if not please do not shake my hand. If it is a boy pull the skin back from the head of his penis to avoid infection and absesses or at the very least skin irritation. Tell me as a woman would you appreciate if your vagina stuck together? I think not. I would think that if you knew how to get pregnant you know what a normal penis should look like unless of course you just let him do all the work. But further more apparently this is a cleaning thing that some hospitals dont take the time to explain how important it is!!!