Not Fair Funk

Unfortunately I have not used this page in a long time, though currently I am finding myself drawn here. I need an escape, a way to get words out without having to speak them. Frankly even typing tears have started falling. I come from a family where unfortunately depression rears it ugly head on far too many of them. I have been pretry lucky to only experience postpartum, and be able to quickly pull myself feom its grip. I'm a happy person, I look for the best in every situation, and when things aren't going my way,in frI can generally find the perks in even the worst times. Currently, I'm in a funk. I'm in a bad funk. A funk that the only way you fall asleep is crying myself there. Why am I here? I have guesses those being too much stress, too much on my plate, unrealistic fears, then not being able to control the one thing I usually have full grasp on...my weight. Now lets be honest, all of us have these things almost every day. Generally we can juggle these fantastically, especially women. However I can tell I'm in a bad place and I'm trying everything to pull myself from it. So here goes word vomit, every little thing that has crossed my mind in the past month. Every tear that has fells held a word, a word of my worries but it hasn't been enough. Will we be able to handle two houses: we are a one income household. Even though our plan sounds great and looks great on paper...what happens if it's not. I'm worthless I don't work, and the thought of leaving my children to work ia enough to promise a perscription of lexapro right away. What if it does work? What if it's perfect? The thought of moving into a house I'm not familiar with when my husband sometimes works overnight...terrifies me. Yes it is our dream house, everything we have EVER wanted and it is here in front of us. Probably the only shot we'd get at our dream...but I'm terrified to start over. To add to that we have played the waiting game for a month and half,and we still have to wait...and I don't think they will accept the offer. We HAVE to try though, or we will never forgive ourselves. The waiting is killing me, as much as I try to keep my mind off of it, it is just sitting there like the scab you are doing everything in your power not to pick. You still do it. My children are suffering...my god. My patience is thin, my ability to know what they need at every moment is questioning itself. My husbanda current hours are so opposite than what they have been for two years that I get lost in my head after they go to bed. All the things I shouldve done different, all the stuff that shouldve been done today that didn't, so pissed at myself for eating that extra bite at dinner that I feel things that I've worked SO hard to get past. My husband. I am the luckiest girls in the world...I KNOW this! He does the floors, the dishes, the laundry, the bed...I don't have to ask...he just does. If I didnt get to something, he just does. He works so hard for us and hasachieved ao much for us that honestly I fall short of everything he does. I don't deserve him, yet he fell in love with me against all odds and for that I am forever in debt. Now we are on our seventh year together, and we have watched people fall apart at this stage, we have found people lose each other forever, and others just for a while. Let me be clear that I have dreaded the 7 year itch since I was in high school and first read about it. 70% of couples go through it and half don't make it through. Obviously my husband is perfect he would never be the cause of this between us...but am I? I'm a person who has always had to be shown how much someone loves me. I don't feel like I deserve it so I question it. Todd in all the great things about him, lacks even a sliver of romantisim. I'm very much a romantic. I deal with this tid bit by forcing us to go out, and get away...but each time we have done that lately...we have been on a mission of getting and doing all of these things. I miss just enjoying eavh others company, I miss having crazy passionate sex in the middle of the day no care in the world. Now when that opportunity arises all I can think about is how fat I am and that he deserves so much more than me. I am causing the 7uear itch! Not because there is an itch to leave but rather because I'm so busy hating myself I am not being the person he is supposed to be with. The carefree silly woman he fell in love with. The worst part is I don't know how to fix it. My weight. I've always controlled this when everything spins. This time however I'm up 5lbs...I feel it, I'm disgusted with myself. My short haircut makes me feel uglier and the plain jane hair color leaves nothing be happy with. I have not taken the time to do my make up anymore because it seems so pointless. Like I said in a funk. A pathetic stupid funk that just make me despise myself more. I'm better than this, why am Istuck here? Unfortunately my husband witnessed me at close to my worst today, so the cat is out of the bag and I need to pick up the pieces. I just have to find out how. How to overcome this.

Marriage

So I was recently told by 2 (count it t.w.o.) people that my husband and I have a fairy tale marriage, marriages like ours dont really exist. Flattered as I was, often times I feel as though I am living a fairy tale, I was also disappointed that people think that it's something that just happens. Don't get me wrong, in a way it does. I didn't just marry any asshole, I waited for my knight in shining armor, or better yet, my southern gentleman to come sweep me off my feet. Boy did he ever, right onto my back (BAH---you really didn't expect me to not say that did you?? Okay well if you did I'm sorry, you just do not know me that well!!) ANYWAY--fifty shades aside...for now. Our marriage is the most important thing in our life (GASP--i know I've said it before, or at least I think I did...yes more important than our children) <<---holy shit...she really just said that!!! Why would she say such a thing?? BECAUSE..it is key to sucess. When we dont agree with how the child is being disciplined, I try very hard not to call him out on the spot 1. He is the disciplinarian, and 2. it is important for your children to see you stand as a united front. Before I go any farther....MUCH of this I learned from my parents and they are still going strong at idk some 30 plus years (31 really). If you show your kids that you do not stand united, they will weasle their little way in and work you up and down. Trust me you may think at the age of two they dont understand that, but they really do, maybe not in the sense of what they are doing is wrong...but if mommy says no...daddy can still say yes. One of the most annoying things I heard as a child when asking for somehting was "Well what did your mother/father say" I knew the chances were grim. One of my most favorite sayings "what did your father say" It's so funny how becoming an adult renders your speech of your mothers tongue. How is that not a language in its own yet??? Jump back on task. I guess to better put this I should write a list, I can add to it as I go, but otherwise I will sound like a rambling mess like above..what can I say love makes me cr@zy!!! Okay so 1. Your marriage is first, above your children. together you make your children top priority (explaination above, 2-?? will be below, if you get stuck come back to number one. Here you will find all the answers.)

2. Sex (not fifty shades sex...just sex...although fifty shades will bring you out of a rut I promise--speaking of which I'll be right back) KIDDING

3. Talk about anything, about everything, just talk.

4. Wrestle

5. Pick on each other

6. Sex

7. Share the load (ha...housework...although...nevermind)

8. Give them time to be them

9. Give their self esteem a random boost

10. Don't take sides

11. (personal to me...but someone out there might have it to) Do NOT distiguish Step parent from real parent..we're all parents here, if you cant show...oh wait not til the bottom right! umm I guess I need to go back and look at one...til later

12. ALWAYS say I'm sorry

13. Sex

14. ALWAYS say I'm sorry

15. Know that it will not matter tomorrow, or next week or five years from now

16. I despise the rule "never go to bed mad" well we've gone to bed mad plenty of time, we just....again number 1

17. INITIATE sex

18. Remember to schedule time for just you two

19. Remember to schedule time for just you

20. Find things you enjoy doing together and you SUCCEED at doing together.

21. Know that when money gets tight, it's a time for you to grow as a couple, not fall apart.

22. Dont ever let your marriage become work.

23. Divorce is never an option (except obvious cases which I will outline again look at one, you'll find where)

24. Always remember why you fell in love

25. MAKE time to find similar interests


Okay so that is enough for now, if (or when) I think of more I will add later. Now let me explain--at least how I interpretted them from my parents, and the ones I've come to learn in our four short years of marriage. Yes I totally get we've only been together 5 years we're still newbies, it will all change, blah blah blah. My parents heard that for years, and to these neigh sayers I will just say "We live to prove you wrong"

Alright 2: Sex. As you know I have repeated this many times in here. Sex is important, the less you have it the less you want it. The more you have it the more you want. I for one feel sexier after sex and I'm sure it boosts my mans ego also. Not to mention I can tell from his attitude when he needs it! 3: Talk about anything, everything..just talk. We've all been in the relationships where you finally get alone time only to discover you have nothing to talk about. Or the TV is on, so there is no conversation. Make time for conversations, shut off the TV, go out to dinner. Be interested in what they are saying even if it really doesn't matter to you, the simple fact that you care enough to listen will mean the world 4: Wrestle. I'm not saying in terms of under the sheets, though that is fitting to, I am saying in general..horse around, "beat" each other up, not to actually be hurt but to just have fun. Those 3mins of carefree childish behavior can jumpstart a bad day, or refresh you to start doing something else, or lead you to actually having real conversations--they are all relative! 5: Pick on Each other. I'm fairly certain there are a few people out there that DESPISE that I laugh at my husband when he gets hurt. I'm not saying bleeding out hurt, but tried pulling a move to beat me to the door, slips on something, gashes his hand open catching himself. To me that's funny...not that he is in pain but for the mere aspect that he was trying to beat me and fell flat on his face, that combined with watching it all happening and the slow motion playing over and over in my head is hilarious. He stubs his toe...it's funny. Gives himself a black eye...hilarious! It is how we work, he laughs at me too, he has laughed at watching me in pain during labor....not during, but after. One of our favorite things to do is to scare each other, though I admit he is much better at it than I am! 6: Sex...see #2 this time switch it up, lets not do missionary how about trying woman on top 7: Share the load, try getting your head out of the gutter from the last post. Todd does most of our laundry. For me it's not top priority considering half the time I will be lucky to shower every other day! I do most of the housework. However if I'm not feeling well or had a particularly bad night with the kids he takes over. If i have a super busy week, I come home to find the house picked up. He doesn't EXPECT me to do everything, nor do I expect him to do anything, we just do, and it works well. 8: Give them time to be them. How to explain this one. Todd has ways of doing things, they drive me nuts but it is nothing worth the fight. I am fully aware that when I organize something one way...he will end up changing it. The cupboards prime example, i like same soups in a row...he likes them stacked. I now stack them bc I know he will just change it if I dont the minute he looks in the cupboard. I'm creative, I like to think up new ideas, I like to draw, cook, write whatever it is. I enjoy it, I may not finish it but that doesn't stop him from encouraging me when so many others just want to rip me down. 9: Give them random self esteem boosters: Okay my husband sucks at this, but I knew that coming into the marriage. However it is just as important to men, sometimes more so, to get their egos stroked every once in awhile. Remind them how important they are to you and how much you need them, and how sexy they are to you. it could be in the form of a quick text, a little note, a card, a simple phrase. I usually say what just comes to mind. If I look at him and it pops into my head "God I have a sexy husband" I dont keep it to myself, I say it outloud. If I'm cleaning and getting things ready and I think of how much he does for us, I will send him a quick message telling him I couldn't live wihtout him and he makes me so happy. When he's working his crazy hours where I wont really see him for days I hide a note in his bag, usually a sexy one so he thinks of me while he is gone. I went on a vacation to FL for 11days with the kids and he had to stay home and work....longest 11 days of my life. I planned meticulously for everyday I was gone a local flowershop dropped off a note and a single daisy in our wedding colors to him at work. In that moment he thought of me and not just missing me thought of me, and in those moments he knew how much he meant to me with all of the careful planning I did! 10: Dont take sides. This is really hard, you might not agree to how your signifacant other is handling something with your children or with a friend, but do not speak up in front of everyone. Wait for behind closed doors to discuss it. You will save a fight later and you will better understand why they chose to handle it the way they did, you might not have seen the whole picture. Okay that is it for now, I will finish the others at a later date in another post...but for now Naptime is over! Keep it real!

School Time Again

It is that time of year again where we are all about to send our children back to school. A much needed break from the chaos of summer, but you cant help but feel the tug on the heart strings as you are preparing.

I recently read a post of a friend who because of her husbands career, moved out of state with Teenage children. Just today they started school and she watched them get on the bus and has been nothing but tears knowing they have to endure a new school, a new atmosphere, and no friends right there to help them through it. I cried reading the post. This is very similar to feelings of sending your children to Pre-K, Kindergarten...even first grade.

I have found myself in tears many times this past week sending our oldest back to school. At this age they do not really have everyday friends. Not to mention every other week she is with her father...out of town. It never fails friends want her to come over on those weekends. Then you make plans to attend a birthday party, then family memebers come to visit and you completely forget that she had a birthday party (totally guilty and feeling horrible that she missed it because she adores this little girl) Or parents send invites home via school...and they never make it home, or you find them in their bedroom weeks later!

wehre am I going with this? Well to be honest, I'm nto quite sure. I just know in the pit of my stomach I worry my sweet little girl will be friendless...because of me forgetting, because she really doesnt get the chance to go places, because we are so busy in our own lives inviting friends over really doesn't happen. She is outgoing, and sometimes too loud, she likes to talk and she tends to butt into conversations. Though we try to teach her the polite ways of handling things, I'm not sure how much actually works. You want soo much to protect them from the mean kids, and push them toward the good ones, but it's not up to us. You dont want them to feel left out, or be picked on...but how do you stop it if it happens? She is also the youngest in our clogging group as much as I hope she makes friends there I worry that thye will end up looking at her as the annoying little one. I don't know my reasons for worrying, maybe it is my own insecurities following me. I can control my feelings, I cant control hers and I dread the day she comes home crying because so and so was mean to her.

Not an all out blog today I know, and I have been severely slacking. This is becoming my outlet. I could post about the magical vaginas we all have...but I'm quite sure that topic has been "legitamately" over done. I dont know about all of you but if my vagina was equipt with an anti rape super power it would sure beat the hell out of killing the sperm...i rather prefer my loins would light his on fire ;o)

A whole bunch of Parenting issues

Alright so in the past couple weeks I have read two very disturbing articles. One was about a 6yr old child being arrested for kicking his principle, and a second was about extended Breast Feeding. Both of these really annoyed me to the core.

First...how the HELL do you expect teachers to discipline when they're literally not allowed to put a hand on your kid. By all means I dont think they should hit, beat, drag etc our children, but really they should at least have the power to restrain them. All these parents fighting to make sure that these teachers cant do this are giving these kids run of the mill in schools. To add to it, it seems as if respect has gone out the window. I dont care if I am 20yrs older than you or 20yrs younger..RESPECT me. I respect you, whether it be your religion your parents stratigies, your job, your lack there of, your marriage...or lack there of. No one is perfect and I might not agree with your choices but I wont tell you that you are wrong because I RESPECT YOU!!! My husbands aunt gave me a compliment around easter that I let my children learn for themselves and in her words "you can tell your children the fire is hot...but they wont learn until they get burned". FANTASTIC!!! I love love love that saying. why? because I believe people have done nothing but baby their children for the past decade. Dont let them do this, dont let them do that, dont use the word "no" instead redirect them. REALLY????? Are you f*in kidding me? My children climb, not because I dont worry that they will fall, because I know eventually they will...but because they learn to be independent and take chances. You cant go through life thinking that actions do not have consequences, good or bad. But when you dont let your children explore than they're nto learning that on their own, instead they just hear it from you. The best lesson is experience. Now onto this child that got arrested...what were they supposed to do?? They cant touch him, who really cares if they get thrown in detention or have out of school suspension..really that is a break. No instead they call the cops the kid gets arrested, allbeit six years old. But ya know what??? I promise you that child will never try doing that again!!! I'd be okay if that was one of my children..why?? Because it taught them a valualbe lesson. Instead I'm sure these parents are going to sue? Because one we're a sue happy country and two because they dont discipline their child, as i'm sure these actions happen at home also. If my child ever raised a hand at me (or foot) I can promise you it would be the LAST time. I'm nto saying I'd beat them but I certianly would find their weakness. Like waht?? Idk take away their bed make them sleep on the barefloor, take away tv, feed them pb sandwhiches for a week straight. I dont really care what it takes I will do it to teach them a lesson. My daughter had a little boy in her class that kicked punched pulled her hair....even after talking to the parents they did NOTHING. So what did i do? I made sure that child was not going to be in her kindergarden class and I will continue to make sure until 4th grade and she will learn to fight back. If she gets in trouble for fighting back I dont care, she is a woman and she will learn to stick up for herself just like that boys will. My children are learning respect, I dont care how shy you're pretending to be, you will look them in the eye when they say hi to you. You will order your own dinner at restaurants, you will use your manners. When you are asked to do something you are expected to do it, or there will be consequences. There are two choices...you choose to do as you are asked, or your choose to be punished. Dont get me wrong there are somethigns and soem times I just dont want to fight, dont want to deal with the attitudes and I will just do it. Then I regret it!!

Onto extended booby time. So many of these articles compare us to cows or dolphins or idk any other animal with a boob that feeds its young. You are told that it's wrong for it to be socially unacceptable to bf your 3-7yr old. Seriously????? you want them to nurse HOW LONG?? Okay as a person fully supporting of the boob, I can honestly say it gets gross when you're child is lifing your shirt in the middle of a conversation with someone else...I dont mean 6-7 mos old, I'm perfectly fine if you wish to nurse your child til two. Just not in front of me. I get grossed out at about ummm...1 1.5yrs to seeing it. But not just that, they want them to self wean like nature does it. SERIOUSLY, a cow stops nursing a calf about 6-9mos in...how?? by a swift kick from its mother!!! So you want us to drop kick our kids NICE!!! Dolphins naturally wean somewhere between 8mos and two years, but their mother rarely leaves their side. Monkeys nurse until 1-1.5yrs. I mean honestly in all of these there are the few exceptions. But in reality, do you really think your children will be more socially accepted because he nursed so long? I'm sure it would be a secret he will take to his grave when he finds out that you nursed him until he was 5. It's not that I dont believe in the power of our milk, I totally do...but seriously you want to keep your kid on your boob is selfish and not wanting to give it up, it's not because they need it! I'm sure if you ask most Yale graduates or Harvard graduates, they didn't succeed because of their mommys milk, I am rather sure that they weren't working on homework and take a break for a suckle on moms nipple...ENERGY BOOST. ew the thought is disturbing.

Nicole

I hate that growing up means losing friends. Especially when that friendship was once so dear to you. Many of you know I have been struggling with this for awhile. Not because I have no friends-I have many-tried and true and I love dearly. I finally came to the realization that I cant just forget about this, about her. So what did I do? I wrote her a letter, and pray that I have the right address!!

No I'm not talking about email address, I'm talking handwritten, two page letter. I once read that if you read a letter or a note from someone that is typed, you read it with your voice in your head...as if you read someones actual handwriting you are reading it with their voice. It's more personal. So where am I going with this? What do I hold so dear that I just cant seem to let it all go? Part of it is exactly that--letters. Letters back and forth, her terrible handwriting and how she never failed to spell Really Right. With all this technology these wonderful things are now gone. Kids, and even our age, text one another. You cant judge a person on their brains when everything is auto correct. You dont know wether to take someone serious or happy or angry if they use ALL CAPS. I am really starting to hate all of this. How are my children going to grow up with any means at all when everything is just handed to them on a silver platter? OH you dont know how to spell, that's okay see the little ABC with the check-that will correct it all-you dont need to KNOW how to spell it...just get it 'close enough'. These kids aren't going to have the awesome 'note'books that we all shared...yes a whole notebook for just writing notes! WHY?? Because it's easy to hand a notebook back in the middle of class without suspicion. <<---I am so not using spell check on that to prove a point that yes indeed I am not sure if that is right or not and I'm not gonna lie and make you think I know how to spell everything!

Nicole was my best friend, through thick and thin. We wouldn't talk for weeks and then be best friends again. We did a lot of dumb stuff...A LOT. Where we are now-you would never have known it. It kills me that we are no longer friends but you cant force anyone to want to be your friend, and I have to realize it was probably nothing that I ever did that made it that way. We grew apart. I guess I see so many of my fb friends that still hold a close relationship with their friends from hs. Kaelin's father--he is still super close to his group from high school. The sisterhood--anyone that went to our school knows who they are--still close to this day. My high school best friend I haven't really talked to since my baby shower with Kaelin, and even then we didn't say much. She met Kaelin for the first time when she was 6mos, and hasn't seen her since-except a quick run in at Silver Lake that I was regrettably <--again with spelling) rude but still was holding an unneccessary grudge. Life isn't fair. I have my husband who is now my best friend, I have my sister who undoubtedly is always there. I have Lindsay and Shannon who have come to be Rocks in my life. Friends that come and go that I only see once in awhile but we never miss a beat...but there will always be Nicole..nobody compares, we probably have nothing in common anymore-but none the less a memory of my past, and a friendship that I will always hold close, we tested boundaries, we did stupid things...but our lives turned out to be pretty okay even wiht the dumb mistakes!

Being a mom

By far my best accomplishment is to hold the title of "mother". Even after I get a degree, that will ALWAYS come first. So to this I say those who are not parents like to throw stones at every time we take a moment to think about ourselves.

Point being, the earlier post of our bodies. Self pity is NECESSARY. Every once in awhile its nice to get words out onto paper that otherwise get pushed aside. All I have to feel pity on myself is my weight. Why? Because I fiercly believe everything else I have giong on in my life is essentially perfect. Is there room for improvement, yes...there always will be. However would I be content to live within this current situation the rest of my life, yes I would. I would rather have self pity on the way that I look, than to be content with being overweight.

You might not want to have kids someday, I respect that. Do I think your crazy-of course I do. When all else fails, kids can lift you up. When a loss of a family memeber brings you to unconsolable crying, a child coming to sit on your lap and hug you immediately puts things into perspective. At that do I feel the need to tell you all of this when you are faced with a issues. No. Simply because I know in places that I am insecure, you are not. I chose to be a young mother, at the same time it also chose me. I was fortunate enough to find the man I could accomplish this with. My husband does nto see what I see when I look into the mirror. My husband tells me I am beautiful every single day. I want to be perfect, I want to look like a model, but if I had the choice to workout 4hrs a day to accomplish that or to spend that 4 hours with my family. I will chose my family. When I have the choice to spend $ on workout equiptment or for something special for my family..I WILL choose my family. You dont have those options.

Next in line are those that when I say "We just dont have time to go out" and their response is "well that's the life of a mother". I am NOT saying I want to go out drinking til all hours of the night. I am NOT saying I want to party myself into stupidity. I am merely stating the fact that my most important thing is my marriage and we dont have the time to commit to "us" as we would like. Date nights are necessary and I believe that to be true. However I am just getting to the point of being okay leaving my children with someone else for hours. I hate not being the one to put them to bed. I miss our "us" time, but it is essential. They need to learn as much as I need to that we are not the only ones they can depend on. When I see people post that they want to get out of the house, I can sympathize. I get it, I totally do. If you took the time to get to know them you would understand too. We dont want to work out of the house right now, we like that our children aren't being raised elsewhere, by someone else. We like that we have control over what they are doing and who they are doing it with, before we know it those will be out of our control. Lets not be nieve. When you were a teen did your parents know exactly what you were doing at every minute of every day? GOD NO! So do you think you'll really have much control when your kids reach that age? Be realistic.

Finally, to those who dont control their kids now at this young age. Seriously?? what did you smoke to lose the brain cells for common parenting? We went to lunch with our friends the other day and it was fantastic! All FIVE kids were well behaved, listened and patient while they waited for their food. I've been in resturants that kids are running around mindlessly. Screaming at the top of their lungs, turned around bugging the person in the booth behind them and the parents do NOTHING. My Father in law was faced with a little girl with a mental condition who had come up to him hugging and kissing him on the lips. Obviously uncomfortable as he did not know this girl, he was trying to be nice but also trying to get her off of him. The mother just stood there!!! I get that mental handicapps bring on a whole other point of parenting, but this is too far. You are putting someone who would generally not be uncomfortable around that person, in a very uncomfortable situation. Or parents where there kids can do no wrong. Another child takes a toy out of your childs hands, you yell at the child, but when your child does it, you look the other way. I'm sorry but yet again, I am not the perfect parent...however I will make my child responsible for what he or she has done. I might allow things that you would never dream to let your children do, you might think I'm a horrible person because I do not take my children to church, or dont speak of "god" in our home. But if your children are generally well behaved - I as much as the next person understand that kids have bad days. That the smallest thing can put them over the edge. I understand that you chose your battles. Good parents know what makes a difference and stick to that, Great parents understand what makes a difference but leave room for improvement, options and mistakes. I can honestly say I surround myself with great parents, my husband surrounds himself with great parents, that together our friends that we have compiled have these same "great parent" qualities. Yes I am a great parent, yes my husband is a great parent. We make mistakes- we yell when we shouldn't have, we've given chocolate for breakfast and our kids are well aquainted with candy. If I thought myself to be perfect I would be raising a child to be just like me, I dont want that. Not because I think they could do better, but because I want them to be them, I want them to be their OWN individual.

Are you trying to be your sister

As all of you know, I adore my sister. But more than once in the past year (try like 5 times) I have heard just how skinny my sister is. "your sister looks tiny", "I cant believe how much weight your sister has lost". All this is fine and dandy but as someone who has been OBSESSED with weight for most of my high school and adult life, the last thing I want to hear is how perfect my sister is. I spent most of my school years trying to be like my sister. She was thin, she was gorgeous, plenty of guys wanted to be with her. I wasn't that way. I spent years of my life ignoring food, or forcing it back out. I remember standing in the mirror and screaming at myself for how ugly I was, pulling out my hair and grabbing my fat. This is shocking to most as I was a "happy" teen, but I really wasn't. I have hated looking into the mirror naked since as long as I could remember. My best friends were perfect, and beautiful and I was the ugly duckling of the group. Confidence wasn't exactly there even though I led people to believe it. My friends and I would go to a club to dance, and they could pick up guys in a second..not me. I stayed in a horrible relationship (not just on me, but him too) for fear that I'd never have anyone else love me.

Now here I am, 10yrs later and all these feelings are coming to a head again. My sisster does look great, and I am SO proud of her. She was my rock when I felt like I had nothing. But here I am crying in front of the mirror everyday, wondering why in the world my husband is with me when he could have any girl in the world. Even if people dont mean it, when you tell me these great things about my sister, you're comparing me to her. Dont tell me, tell her! I've had three kids, I wear a size 7 jean. To most women this is great, to me I want smaller, I want the scale smaller, I want more of the mirror to show when I look into it. I have three kids and a husband that works crazy hours...dont tell me to go workout cuz it isn't possible. We dont have the means to pay a sitter for me to workout. When I start even basic sit ups, it takes four times as long as it should as the kids climb all over me the minute I hit the floor.

I am writing and posting this not for just me. For all the moms out there going through this. Stop telling them how good someone looks, all it accomplishes is bad feelings about themselves. Stop and think about when your kids were young, or if you dont have kids, think about where your time is spent compared to a mother. YOU might have time and money for a gym because you're not spending the money elsewhere-we have mouths that many more mouths to feed, that many more backs to cloth, that much less time in our days that if we have to make the choice we will chose our family over ourselves. I am fortunate enough my husband has given everything for me to be home with our children, and for that I am thankful ALMOST everyday! Do I want time for myself?? Absolutely. But is it logical. No...it just isn't. We cant even find time for a date night, which is much more important than working out. Just think before you speak. We want to be perfect, really we do....but it's a lot harder when you are telling us how perfect everyone else is!

Recent annoyances

So here's the deal. I completely and totally realize that I am not the best mother in the world, and there are things that other people may know better than I do, but lets be honest..Parenting styles aren't right and wrong (besides the obvious) it is more cause and effect, trial and error. So where is this coming from?? Let me explain

I have three children, you have one. Trial and error has taught me to do something MY way...don't try and make ME feel bad with your "holier than thou" attitude. DO NOT try and make it seem like what I am doing is bad to everyone else. If I go through somehting that by some chance you have...I will take your OPINION to heart-but when it comes to experience-I have the upper hand. If I ask opinion thats a whole other matter. My sister felt so bad telling me how to take care of diaper rash...she was soo worried that she was sounding "better than me" when in all honesty..NONE of my children had ever had it, hers had-in this situation she had the upper hand and I took advantage of her advice and it worked! Sticking to my sister..

The other day we went grocery shopping together-a woman (I was gonna say lady, but to me that sounds old and she wasnt) came up and commented on how cute my lil neice is and then commented on her ears being pierced and toe nails painted. She said "well I decided to wait until my daughter asked to have hers pierced" like it was the WRONG thing to do. Lets let this boil a bit so i can come up with the right way to explain exactly what I wanted to tell this woman short of saying..."shove it".


Okay it boiled....have you ever met a little girl that said "mommy I dont want my ears pierced...I'm so glad you gave me the choice?" Instead you ahve a bunch of 5 year olds out there wanting to get their ears pierced who are now going to remember that it hurt SOOO bad. Cuz as a child it hurts...and it will become a seared memory. Like all shocking things, traumatic events. Therefor you're either going to have a child scared of needles or a child who will never go for a second hole. So you dont care if she has a second hole. Okay lets ponder on this...what happens when you take her to get her ears pierced and come home with one. So yes some places do both at once, but what if they physically cant that day, they're a person short and your daughter is throwing a fit cuz you tell her you have to come back another day. The lady offers to do one at a time and your daughter begs for you to allow it. You do, they do the first she pulls a full out flip out and WILL not allow them to go near the second. Now your daughter is going to walk around with one...Go YOU!! That was a brilliant idea! Okay so maybe a little far fetched but not totally impossible.
Next I cannot tell you how many people have commented on the nail polish on our childrens toes and fingers. "Well I wouldn't want her to eat it"...seriously??? NEWS FLASH!! Your child is going to put MUCH worse things in her mouth than nail polish from her fingers or toes. Dont believe me. Here's a few that I know have gone in my childrens mouths-and if you think I'm a bad mother cuz my kids had the chance to put these in their mouths...do me a favor and stuff your mouth full of all of them...

Toothbrush (how is this gross you ask--It's not a full 6ft from the toilet...the toilet doesn't always get closed before it gets flushed..ie: toilet mist)
Penny (not bad??? Okay think of where that penny was...now think of how many people touched that penny before them..NOW think about what the people touched before touching the penny...EXACTLY)
Dog Food (This just grosses me out)
Their shoes (mmm just imagine where those have stepped foot in, think PUBLIC RESTROOM)
Their Hands, Your Hands, Their foot quite honestly the best thing they can do is suck on their toes after being in shoes all day rather than their hands...think about it..what did their feet touch other than a sock and sneaker? What did their hands touch. And I know you dont walk around putting hand sanitizer on their hands every time they touch something. If you do walk out of your house, get in your car and drive to the nearest psychiatric hospital cuz you my dear have a severe ocd problem.

So what else has annoyed me? mmm...The fact that some parents feel that a preK graduation is not a necessary thing, you dont care to go? So basically you're robbing your children of the last day of school and a VERY special day for them, and their friends?? Do you WANT them to grow up to be just like you? You are definitely well on your way. Add to this that this is a seperated household, you now just completely screwed up the other family's chance to make sure their daughter had this SUPER special day, and to reward her for the achievement. I know our situation is differnt, I love Kaelins father liek he was flesh and blood, but I came to love him, I didn't fall in love with him...I love him because he is Kaelins father-I love him because he is a great friend to both myself and my husband. And it doesn't stop there..he's a great friend to my sister and her family, to my parents, to my friends. Was there a time I hated him...absolutely..was there a time I wanted nothing more than to hurt him of course. I was 20, single, and pregnant. We broke up a week before I found out. I was pregnant over my 21st with only one friend since all other "friends" abandoned me when I needed them most. His life did not change..it hurt. While he was out drinking and meeting girls and having a good time I was at home cooking a child (whom I loved since day one-but in no way did that make things better) I didn't even want to give Kaelin his last name..and she wasnt going to have it-but I realized, at one point in time we cared about each other enough to make a child. He will be in my life forever, I can either make it miserable for the both of us, or look at it as a blessing. I wish others could do the same and stop just doing things out of spite, cuz you're not just hurting the mother...you're hurting the child.

Next...politics, religion. You all just need to shove it on the matter. Obama, you want him to pull a magic heal all out of his ass? Last I knew it takes about 7years to recover from filing bankruptcy. But yet you all expected him to fix our financial problem in 4? Hell he hasnt' even served a full term and he's not doing enough?? Really are presidents ommitted from being human...are they all powerful and can heal, repair fix any problem. Yes our unemployment is down...that is directly obamas fault for sure..totally. I voted for him...why??? Because for the FIRST time I saw a man- a man that knew what we were all like, not one that came from wealth. I saw a man that loved his wife unconditionally, cared about his family. When it comes down to it...that's all that matters in the world. Why is unemployment up..lets be honest-some got on it and realized it was easier than working, others are "too good" to take a fast food or super market job. Some money is better than none but if they took a pay cut they lose our country bailing them out, their real paycheck would be less than their fake.

Religion...lets just say I will touch on that another day, it is time for me to retire and relax with my family, my daughter who (I'll let you in on a secret...has hilite--go ahead gasp, i'll wait. But I'm sure if she was a child model or in pagents it'd be okay, but I did it cuz i can. Her father takes her hunting-thats life or death, this is not. I also put make up on her sometimes...THE HORROR!!) So back to waht I was saying..my daughter who had pierced ears at 1month and came home from the hospital with toenails painted, my oldest son who has put everything short of the kitchen sink in his mouth and is never without a bruise, my youngest son who isn't so little and my amazing husband who loves me despite the horrible mother that I am!!!

Letter to myself

Lookign back there are always those key moments in your life that at the time you didn't realize how much impact it would make even years later. Though some are negative it always amazes me (at least in my life) how even out of the negative, positive came. Anyway thinking of this I decided that maybe i need to sit and reflect...but reflecting only goes so far. I'm much better in letter form. So Ihave chosen to write to myself. How this will go and what order I know not-but I'm giving it a try and then leaving it out there for all of you to read. So here it is

Jesika-

First and foremost you have become the woman you have always dreamed to be, and you do not give yourself enough credit. You have three beautiful children and an amazing husband that would capture the moon for you if you only asked. You have achieved being a stay at home mom and your children are thriving. You always put them first without a second thought or even a smidge of missing the old days. You're 2.5 years smoke free, and you make a effort everyday to stay that way. You have so much to be proud of...why is it that you constantly feel like you're not good enough?

You have three children, your house should not be spotless. If your livingroom was spotless-then your children would have no toys and they would not be having fun. If your computer room was spotless you son would not have his 500million cars to drive around the house and keep you on your toes trying to avoid stepping on them. If Kaelins room was spotless than the kids would not have their get away where mommy and daddy rarely come and interfere with the mess they make in their quest of playtime. If the Kitchen was spotless your family would not enjoy home cooked meals on a weekly basis and great conversation at the table. Your mess is a house, a house that is LIVED IN. It is not FILTHY by any means...it's disorganized but clean. you wont find piles or dirt, or week old food in the livingroom (minus the sippy cups that have gotten lost and not recovered quite yet) When your children grow up what do you think they will be more fond about? The fact that the house was always clean? or that you made time to let them finger paint--even though--it causes even more mess to pick up. Do you thik they care that the dishes severely need to be done? Do you thik they care that they tripped and fell over something on their bedroom floor. NO they dont--why?? Because the dishes on the counter just filled their bellies. The toy on the floor is the one that each and every night gives them comfort to fall asleep-had they not tripped on it they wouldn't have realized it was there...which leads them to put it back on the bed where it belongs, therefore avoiding an all out search for it at bedtime. Everything you do is to see your children smile. The laundry is piled up...so what!!! Your children still have plenty to wear before they'll need it all washed. Seriously stop and look at what you have. Your husband does not care if you didn't get AROUND to somehitng...so stop apologizing to him.
You've had three children you're not supposed to look like a high school girl anymore, instead your body is one of a woman. A woman that beared three children, a woman who rather than spending hours at the gym is watching Backyardigans and reading "A Moose in Maine" aloud each week. When you children see you they are not thinking how the extra handles on your side protrude over your pants, or how your nipples now point more toward the ground than toward the wall. Instead they just like the way you feel when you hold them, they know that a kiss from mommy can make the worst ouchy feel better or that mommy standing in the kitchen teaching them the chicken dance is by far the funniest thing to happen today, although they cant say it-they love that you make them laugh. When your husband looks at you, he doesn't notice the dimples in your legs or how your belly jiggles with each step. He could care less if you woke up and ate three omlets instead of going running. All he cares is that you know how much he loves you, all he wants from you is a kiss goodnight and if you're not up to anymore than that, he never gives you a hard time-instead says "I understand, and I love you" He loves the ways your skin feels, He loves the sound of your laugh and the taste of your kiss HE thinks YOU alone a the fairest of them all.
You are a mom and a wife...anything more than those alone is a bonus. If you get the dishes done today BONUS! If you organize one cupboard or ten BONUS! If you actually feel up to giving more than a kiss.....BBOOONNNNUUUUSSS!!!!!! But if you dont get to all that-you are still amazing, and beautiful in your own way. You still have accomplished a lot in your lifetime of 25years. Everything you have...you should be proud of. You've come soo far in such a short amount of time...you've made your parents proud, you've given them a lot to show off and have become the person they raised you to be. You've made your grandparents proud, they know you have one hell of a man behind you, they know that despite how hardheaded you are, you know when to ask for help. And even though he is not here to tell you, you have certainly made your Grandpa Steve proud!!

Why would someone make that choice???

Recently it has been brought to my attention just how small minded some people still are in this day in age. I felt proud to be of this generation because I felt we had all come a very long way from discrimination and that once we got the "geezers" out of congress and such our generation would surely bring pride and prosper our country once again. But with a simple post on FB I was brought to reality. Following this is the post:

Please put this on your status if you know or love someone who is gay.
My wish for 2010 is that people will understand that being gay is not a
disease nor a choice - people who are gay are not looking for a cure but
ACCEPTANCE and EQUAL RIGHTS!! 93% won't copy and paste this. Will you
.........make it your status for at...... least one hour...? .... Promote LOVE
& Acceptance

Following this post I watched individuals feel the need to comment about how being Gay was a choice. Of course this enraged me, I was disgusted that people still to this day feel that way. Even better it's not like they were in their 40's+, they were of OUR generation. Yes and opinion is an opinion, but what I don't understand is why would someone even think this is a choice?? Further more I do understand that for some people it is, people reaching for attention, porn stars who switch between the two-etc. However to people who are born to love someone of the same sex comments like these are extremely hurtful. I didn't decide to be straight and for the life of me i cannot see how someone or why someone would choose to be discriminated againt. They cannot marry the ones they love, they are called a million and a half slurs, they get stared at when they're in public and unfortunately hate crimes are up not down. So many feel like such outcasts and have been so discriminated againt that the only way they feel to get away is suicide. I once heard someone call suicide "a permanent solution to a temporary problem" and I agree, and I hope that these problems are temporary because love is love regardless of where it comes from.

You see protesters outside court buildings fighting against the right for gay marriage. At one point those protesters were out there fighting against African American rights...and look where we stand today. Once they were out there standing and fighting for womens rights-and eventually succeeded. I can only pray that someday we will have a president come and give all the rights to gays. How would you feel if the person you loved is laying there dying and you cannot do a thing because you aren't technically family. You cant make any choices in their health; even though you know what would be in the best interest of your lover; because you are not married although you've been together longer than 50% of both gender marriages considering we know that in our country the divorce rate is at an all time high. You see people holding signs saying "Gays belong in Hell"..."Gay is an ultimate sin" what makes you yhink that living in this society isn't alreay hell for them? What do you think would go SO wrong if they were granted rights to marry? Seriously? Okay onto the next...I dont care if your divorce is anulled or whatever the church does to forgive it, it's still a divorce and in the eye of "God" or the "Bible" or hell even most marriage VOWS you are promising til death. Yet our divorce rate in this country is ridiculous because people would rather give up than fight. Gay couples-they're fighting an ongoing battle, and it isn't against each other. They're being picked apart by a society that thinks they know whats best but in turn has blood on their hands. When you hear of another child being bullied because of his/her sexual preference, or you hear on the news that another person has committed suicide because of relentless, uninformed banter over who they love, or want to love...I hope you know that soap and water will NOT remove that blood from your hands. I hope you realize that when you fall in love you're not looking at skin color anymore, hell how many cougars and sugar daddys aren't looking at age anymore as a barrier...so why are we looking at sex??? AGAIN LOVE IS LOVE REGARDLESS OF WHERE OR WHEN OR WHO!!!

They're full of milk-keep staring I will squirt

So here's the thing...breast feeding. Nursing. Whatever you want to call it, one should be proud saying those words. So why is it that when you go out in public and your baby cries people complain? To calm the baby you do the obvious...feed the child...and people complain. REALLY. If you are so offended by what the mother is doing than look the other way. When you're driving do you stop and gawk and a calf eating from it's mothers teet?

Most women cover themselves and make it a descreet feeding, some choose not to. Either way it's not like you haven't seen a boob before. If you are a woman staring in disgust...SHAME ON YOU!! Go stick your head in the sand and don't bother coming out because quite honestly you should not even be called a woman. God gave women boobs to FEED OUR YOUNG!!! Suprising right? I'm sure his real reason was to have them so your husband, boyfriend, partner can feel them up and so that places like Victorias Secret and Fredricks can make pretty little holders for them that make them more appealing than what they are truely used for. I'm as much of a woman as the next, I like to have pretty bras, I like when my husband notices how nice they look and darn it...I want them looking nice myself. But when it comes down to it I am most proud to use them for what they were intended! I am the sole food supply for my children for the first few months of their lives. I love when I can look at them putting on weight as they should and know that I have been the reason that they have thrived. How can your boobs be better than mine because they haven't seen the light of day or fed an infant? You have a problem that I'm doing it in public, you would rather me head to the filthy bathroom in shame to feed my child on the germ ridden toilet fecal matter every plce you touch? How about YOU take YOUR food to the toilet and eat it. Would you look at me in disgust if I let my child play in the garbage cuz that's basically what you are telling all these women to do when you are casting your opinions through your eyes.

I am certianly not saying that if you had children and chose not to breast feed that you were in any way wrong. Some people cannot nurse, some aren't comfortable in doing so, even cases that the baby physically can't nurse...in any instance formula has not killed a baby yet-both my children have had formula. I'm just saying if you did not nurse, haven't had kids yet, whatever the reasoning dont stare in disgust-or men in amazement-we are just doing what god intended them to be used for.

Before you cast those demeaning eyes toward another nursing mom think first of what exactly we are doing, there is nothing sexual about nursing...there is nothing but pure beauty in what that woman is doing. Instead of staring, look the other way and marvel at what a healthy baby it will grow up to be breast or bottle!

Family...

I always touch on our kids, or our friends, I even talk about our families. But I have never talked about just how important each and every person in your life is. People seem to forget that their family is their and should be their support system. Now yes at 15 or so everyone hates their mother, their father, their siblings-that is if their parents are doing a good job. The friends that I had that enjoyed their parents at that age I can look back to now and they have no relationship with them anymore. Why??? Because at 15 they were smoking pot with their parents, they were drinking without consequences. Where are they now? I can tell you of a couple I am sure of- in jail, strung out on drugs, not contact with their parents.

That's great, just where I wish I was!!! Where am I going with this? Well as much as I love Facebook I also tend to see people bad mouthing their family quite often. It could be talking about a spouse, or a parent, or a sibling. Expected at 13-17, but when you're the ages of 18+, no excuse. So what if your parents are to blame or your sister is talking behind your back....I can promise you aren't quite so innocent yourself. None of this is needed to blab about on FB!! You want a pity party...you want to feel special or wanted, you want people to notice you and try and make you feel better. When in reality 90% who have read your post think to themselves "Wow she's dumb". Seriously your familyl talking behind your back-YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE. and you know what I am sure that you have had some not so nice things to say about your family also!! You vented on FB about what a b**** she was and turned out looking like the bigger one in the scenario cuz at least she didn't post what she said about you! Let me tell you a secret that has been drilled in my head since I was a child-family is all you got hunny! When your parents are gone, who will understand most how you're feeling, not your friends-but your siblings! Who remembers how scared of the dark you are, or your favorite colors growing up. Who can pick on you relentlessly on how much of a mess you used to make or the stupid mistakes you made, or the retarded boyfriends that you held so high? Your sibling...your sister, your brother, your mother, your father. How do you think your parents feel being stuck in the middle of such a High School drama with their adult children. It'd make me sick-you should be ashamed of yourself!!! Everyone deals with family problems-everyone has something about them that drives others nuts, you vent to your husband, boyfriend, wife, girlfriend....not on FB. So my sister is driving me insane-would I tell her? Maybe, or maybe just chalk it up to needing to vent, or wait til it blows over.
My sisters downfall??? She worrys too much---has since we were children. Does this drive me nuts? At times-but she's my sister. My sister can be a B****..but she's my sister and if I ever had to chose between a friend who was sweet as pie or my sister on a bad day-I WILL ALWAYS choose my sister. None of my friends will understand me like she does. When our mother is driving us nuts...we have each other to go to, when one of us is driving our mother nuts, she can go to the other and vent about it and we can go to each other and explain that they need to give mom a break or just let it slide cuz it's been a stressful week. No one knows me like my mom and my sister. I was 100% a daddy's girl but he's my dad, he's oblivious to women feelings. His best line when we went through a break up was "I'm the only man that will love you your whole life" it never failed to make me smile-but my mom and my sister were the ones to hug and just let you cry cuz they knew and still know no words are going to make you feel better, only a good cry (or a million) will help you through it. We have mommy problems, or marital problems, or pregnancy problems....we don't push each other to talk, we know when they're ready they will talk. When you vent remember who you are venting to, and take into account the day that you've had up until that point. Things you hear on a bad day are liable to bug you more than if you were having a good day. I know there are things about me that drive my family nuts-I'm the black sheep-I'm good with that. But you will never know the power of your relationship until you let things go and embrace them for their faults, not hate them for it. Understand that all women need to vent, we're caddy-that's how God made us against his better judgement...we dont always mean what we say! Remember all you have is family, your parents, your siblings, your husband, your children...they are what matter, not what other people think of them, but how much they've done for you, and how much they'd still do for you if you just dropped the HS attitudes and accepted each other for who you are...

Get a grip...

I'm so sick of people that complain and complain about their life but do NOTHING to fix the problem. It's your life...you are in charge. At what point do you not understand that. There was no promise when you were born saying "you are born into a life of ease, expect no troubles, no rollercoasters, and absolutely no pain on your ride from birth to death"

Life is about living and learning. You cannot learn if you do not make mistakes, you cannot make mistakes if you dont try something out of your comfort level. What does it take to step outside of the box? CONFIDENCE...not in the people around you, but in yourself. You and you alone are in charge of your happiness. Just like you are in charge of your health, and your appearence. If you don't feel good..you're not happy, if you feel like a "frump" you're not happy-those are simple equations. Yes it does get a bit more complicated when you add more people into the mix. First off you had your parents and all through school you could've sworn they wanted you to be anything but happy...just to grow up and realize that you being happy in the end-was indeed their main agenda. Now you're grown up...mom and dad cant take care of you anymore (or atleast shouldn't) from this point on you are now responisble for your actions. Dont blame everyone else, you make your bed...now you sleep in it.

You fall in love-and more than likely, you do it more than once. ideally you learned after the first one (or couple) fail what you prefer, expect, and appreciate out of that significant other. Then you find him/her. You knwo immediately this is the person I am spending the rest of my life with. Do you think this is going to be an easy task. Yet again when you sign those marriage papers there is no disclaimer that says "Congrats you're married, this road to happiness is free of money problems, marital problems, concieving problems, in-law problems, parental problems, and finally parenting problem...just sit back relax and enjoy the ride" If your marriage certificate said this...than you are imagining it. If you by chance go through ANY of these...***SURPRISE*** you're not the ONLY one in the world dealing with it. At somepoint you need to realize your life isn't as bad as it COULD be!!! Are you alone? Do you have someone to go talk to when things are hard? Someone you can count on? Someone you trust? Is this the person that you married? If you said "no" to any of these...I'm sorry to tell you, you have made the wrong choice in your spouse. Yep I said it...I am that BOLD!!! But obviously with all the complaining that is going on no one else is telling you- therefore I will.

Now god forbid you didn't realize ANY of this before you conciously procreating, and now you have a little combination of the two of you running around. You love your child, but you're not happy. But lets do the "smart" thing and stay in an unhappy environment for my CHILD so that he can grow up to be just as unhappy as I am!! CUZ THATS YOUR SMARTEST IDEA YET!!! Along with the baby another disclaimer was shoved in the butt saying "This child will be free of any malfunctions. This baby will not cry all night, it will never be sick, it will sleep all night. In addition as it grows it will always listen to what it is told, never do drugs or alcohol and will be the answers to all of the problems you've had up until now. This baby is exactly what you hoped for in fixing you marital problem...good for you!!" Of course all of this disclaimer came true. I dont know I guess maybe in a way it did considering denial is the only constant in your life. Your baby is sick often, but instead of demanding answers you just keep putting them on more medicine and antibiotics to slowly kill an infection. But because of your denial 5-10 years from now your child will no longer respond to antibiotics. Maybe then your smart decisions will click!! For the life of me I am unsure as to why at least one parent isn't smart enough or doesn't care enough to demand answers so your child is no longer going through pain on a regular basis. But then again hygiene is a key role into keeping healthy-and I'm not sure that you took that class while in school.

with all the disclaimers you have a perfect life, and you have no need to complain as everything is great...you grew up healthy no problems, married the perfect perosn, and had a dream child, just like it promised right?

Finally if you keep staying in denial and just complaining I will tell you how your future will pan out. You will stay married, although unhappy. The two of you will not even act like a married couple. Seperate cars, seperate vacations, sometimes not even knowing where the other one is..but not worry about it. You are miserable and feel the need to tear other people down to make yourself feel better about your situation. Your sex life (if you have one) will only be once or twice a year unless you have found someone outside the marriage for that. Your child, although might have had many previous relationships, never settles down in the fear that every marriage is like yours and doesn't want to be unhappy forever, instead they would rather be alone...wow congrats you have indeed perfected "life"...you should probably write a book!!

It's so much more than blood...

It never ceases to amaze me how defensive some parents can be. I mean sure I'm defensive if you pick on my daughter, if you have nothing nice to say then dont say it at all..right? However I cant understand people who are defensive in someone loving their child to no end. At what point do you realize that it takes a town to raise a child, not just you. If you were lacking in your parenting...that is your fault. No one elses. If you and your husband/boyfriend split-he meets someone new who treats your child as their own, how is this a problem??? Would you rather they treat your child as an outcast??

You could've given birth, changed diapers, cleaned up puke, toys, etc. But the real question is...were you there when they needed you most. Maybe when they needed you physically, as newborn, toddler...etc. But what about emotionally? Because this is where parenting COUNTS!!! First heartbreak...what did YOU do??? My Parents earned every bit of the title "mother" and "father". When I needed them most, they never failed to be there....that is a true test of a mother or father. Not birth, not carrying them for 9mos. Get your facts straight. Does it matter that they are blood...not at all. That doesn't make a parent a parent and if you think otherwise, I would like you to stand outside a adoption agency and speak your mind. My husband is every bit of a father to my daughter than her own dad. Does this aggrivate Kaelin's blood father? No...why? Because he realizes that the more people who love her, mean the more people to care for her. Extra eyes and hands to raise her, extra kisses goodnight, and hugs in the morning. Added discipline when necessary and another shoulder to cry on when things do not work out in her favor. There is no room for jealousy in a marriage, so why should there be in parenting??

You hold a baby in your belly for 9mos, you donated a sperm or two to create offspring. How did you follow up that action??? Sure many of you reading this are close to my age, we're still raising toddlers, but I sincerely hope this makes you think! Going out drinking, going out partying and leaving your child with your parents, your girlfriend, your grandparents. What is that doing to them? Fine once in a great while-I wont lie some time away is nice...but I would choose that time differently-for instance one on one with my husband movie and dinner...not bar and dancing. I'm not against drinking at all...but I do think if you do this more than once a month your priorties are a little misplaced. Do you want your children to go out drinking and partying? You might say "yes" now, but i really truely hope that you think long and hard how you will react to that years down the road. I know I will be like my parents and not be able to sleep until I know my children are safe. Now think, what would you do if you caught your child doing drugs? What if you just suspected? Have you thought about your son or daughter having sex years from now, what about hitting puberty? How will YOU handle these things. Ignorance is bliss? Denial..."not my child". Bite it in the butt the minute you find out? How about being proactive? Will you talk to your child before all these things happen so they know what to expect. Talk to them so they know how important sex is, how important doing drugs isn't? We're all going to have battles, 90% of our kids are guarenteed to try drugs and have premarital sex (lets face it...we all did)...but how you handle that...THAT is being a "mother"...THAT is being a "father". Not your damn egg, not your damn sperm. YOUR character, YOUR choices will in the be the deciding factor. Where you were during the most important days will forever live in heart. Your parenting will be graded...not by me, not by peers, not by teachers, psychologists or doctors, but instead the most important person of all...your child. If my daughter chooses to call her fathers significant other "mom"...I wont go off the deep end, its a term of endearment, she would also be helping raise Kaelin, her hand is AS important as mine...I'd welcome the help...not shun it.

Life Lessons? or something more?

In less than a month I will be turning 25. To some of you this might not seem like a big deal, but to me it has certainly got me thinking. I'm very happy of where my life is now, but I can't help but notice some things that I thought would be there, that arent. One obvious in my grandfather, I guess no matter how many years it has been he is the first that brings tears to my eyes when I think about all that I wasn't able to share with him. Next would be my Uncle Tim, I am thankful that he was able to meet my children but still cannot understand why he was taken so early and so unexpectedly. Now those are givens. We all miss those who cannot be here anymore. But what about others? Friends that you thought nothing could ever come between you and them...just to find now that there is nothing at all in common, or maybe some more things that attributed to the fallout.

My family members and most people I went to school with can guess who I am talking about. Pretty much all through High School we were inseperable. Even when we went onto college with different majors we still stayed relatively close. We went out a lot together and most people probably could hear us coming from a mile away. She was the first to say to me "You're Pregnant" I laughed and told her she was soo wrong, 4 days later she was the first person I called when that + appeared. Her reaction? "it's okay, we'll get through this...this is a beautiful thing not sad" I'll never forget that conversation. She went to my first Ultrasound with me, this seemed to make our friendship stronger...or so I thought. Soon after I stopped hearing from her. She's met my daughter twice in the almost 4 years she's been here.

At first this whole thing really bothered me. I was hurt. Actually this was how a lot of my friendships went down after my blessing happened. I lost contact with most everyone. The only person I had left from my "previous" life was Laney...who to this day remains my truest and closest friend. However now looking back I find that many people that I once had a "connection" with, seem so obsolete in the whole picture. I always wanted children young, although I didnt make the choice as to what age (or if you want to get technical yes I was having sex so I should know its a probable outcome) However I am happy that parenthood chose me before I chose career. I know that this is a horrible thing to say but my feelings are just those. I will be able to enjoy my children so much more as adults than I would've if I waited another 10years to have them. However this does come at a cost. There are very few that are my age that carry the same weight of having a family on their shoulders. In fact many are just starting to get married, no pregnant with number 3...family almost finished. Thus having a common factor to talk about with old friends is few and far between. They prefer to talk about the wild time they had over the weekend, or the latest concert they attended. I on the other hand am talking about Potty training, constipation, hitting, biting, teething, preschool...the list goes on.

Then you have the other group, the people that are your age, that are in your same boat...but you HARDLY have time to discuss your daily lives with them because you have a toddler hanging on your leg and a infant screaming at the top of their lungs cuz they want SOMETHING and you have NO IDEA what that something is.

I'm sure you all are wondering what this has to do with life lessons. Have you ever sat and thought about it? Thought about your past into detail. What was the most important thing that you and a friend of the past had in common? Drinking? Smoking? Boys? Most likely you didn't share the same ideals about the future. She's a physical Therapist somewhere in Rochester, she was married not long after myself, but has no children. I ran into her while out to dinner and the sound of her voice made me cringe as she called my name. This is when I realized I'm glad she's not a "key" figure in my childrens upbringing. She made worse choices than I did in our High School Years. She has book smarts...but not street. She cares entirely too much about how she "appears" to the outer world and not so much about how her actions speak volumes to her credibility. I will not turn down explaining the story about what happened to our friendship if asked. Life lesson..absolutely, she was the first to teach me that the only people I can really depend on is my family. Something more- Ofcourse; because I can't help but think that this is the way god intended for it to be- a reminder of I may not have my career, but I have my family...I may not have many "close" friends, but that is because they also bear the names of "mother" "sister" and "husband" all of which are much more dear titles than Best Friend.

Thank you for not talking....

So recently I had read a friend was going through a rough time with their child not sleeping. She had said that he recently started crawling a couple days before. I probably read the info four or five times before I finally decided to give her "my experience". I tried my best to make it "my experience" and not "my advice" Why you ask. Because sometimes I HATE ADVICE!!!!

I know mean right? Okay lets clearify...Advice from your mother = wisdom (even though sometimes you might not want to admit it). Advice from your Mother-in-law = husband wisdom *sometimes this explains soo much about the man you married*. Grandmother Advice = 1. Old Wives Tales and things you probably shouldn't follow (ie: Whiskey on Gums) or 2. Complete nonsense.

Okay so WHO am I talking about. Lets start with your friends that don't have kids. HA...we all know these. Needless to say some can even say that it's also family members. These are the ones who know EXACTLY how to raise a child. "Absolutely MY child will never watch TV"..."You should be reading and pointing out the words so they will learn quicker" my FAVORITE..."why don't you put the diaper on closer and closer to the potty, ya know like they do in potty training dogs. She'll get it" REALLY...I would love to see YOU parent!! Or there are those people who already have kids who apparently think that you forgot how to handle kids. Or idk maybe forgot you have kids. These are often the people that I kind of dish it right back...I know you are saying "well look at your blog...arent you preaching to IDK yourself" here i will say no. This is because go back and read my disclaimer. These are opinions I am not telling you to read it, nor am I telling you to come to me for advice. If you use my ideas or agree..I'm am not responsible for your child in 20 years :o)!!!

Okay so now we know who I am talking about. Would you like to hear how we need to handle these people? Well why are you looking at me?? I wish I had the answer...some how some way. I am a nice person and I just smile and nod-but don't listen. But then there comes a day that you step too far. This is when I become rude. Usually that line is my daughter. For some reason when I became pregnant with my son...people forgot that I had been pregnant before. Why do I say this? Because I got "just wait til this happens" "you wont believe it when"..etc. SERIOUSLY Kaelin was two when I was pregnant with Gage. I'm pretty sure my parenting and pregnancy ideas are not only fresh but more experienced than you...considering you were pregnant for 9 mos and I was now going into my 12th month of experiencing pregnancy (9 mos Kaelin; 3mos Gage) I have you beat. My daughter is my line...and I might always be super protective of her because I never ever want her to feel like she doesn't count just because she wasn't hatched under a piece of paper. Now if I ask for your advice...have at it. Tell me I'm a horrible mom, tell me whatever you want-but since I asked for it-I deserved it. Does it mean I'll listen? Chances are 50/50...sorry being honest.

Now this pregnancy. It has just been over a year since I've had my son. All these people telling me things to get over being sick. Honestly-don't you think I've tried it. I was sick with both kids...this third one is a doozy. It's not like this was ANYTHING liek the two prior. I could handle that, throwing up twice three times a day. Not a problem. Puking at my most 12x's in one day, not even keeping water down. yeah. Complaining isn't my most favorite thing, but trust me when I say I could've curled into a corner and not come out for 6 weeks with as horrible as I felt. I cried atleast once a day. I'm so thankful that I'm feeling better!!!

If you ask advice I will give it, although you might now always like what i have to say. Dont complain to me about money and then ask for my advice. We're tight on money, but we're smart too. We don't "go out" we dont have "date night". The IMPORTANT things ALWAYS get paid ... these are Mortgage, car payment, car insurance, Medical bills and any credit cards (which there aren't many cuz I hate them). If we have left over money...great. If we don't- well we make due with what we have Do I feel like my kids are missing out. No, why? Because I am home with them, this is our sacrifice. Now if you chose to not pay your mortgage but go out drinking three times a month, out to eat every weekend and needlessly spend on things you don't NEED you just wanted. Well I have no pity for you and you deserve to be in foreclosure!! Obviously when you tell my husband and I that we need to get out more...we will laugh behind your back at your "advice".

Last but not least...marriage advice. This is almost as good as parenting advice. Really, you've been divorced once, twice, three times and you've swore men off and you're telling me I just need to learn that men aren't as great as they seem. FANTASTIC. Maybe if you weren't a bit psycho men wouldn't keep leaving you. All you do is bash your husband? Okay, I pick on my husband-he picks on me. We both laugh...you have nothing nice to say about each other-let alone to each other. But you want to give me an attitude when I am picking on my husband for being anal and tell me that I need to give him a break. This is coming from the person who also LOVES giving parenting advice but fails to notice how poorly she raised her own child. Next don't tell me I need a "girls only" night or my husband needs a "guys only" night. This is something we both agree on. We dont like going out without one another. All we do is miss each other and wish they could be there. We spend the whole night texting each other...and we're soo happy to be back together by the end of the night that it's just a reminder as to why we don't do it. We've been together 3 years and have gone out alone maybe 3 times if that. I enjoy every moment I spend with my husband-he might get on my nerves, I might get on his. We are never too good to appologize to one another, we will always say I love you before falling asleep. In the morning his kiss still wakes me up, at night I cant fall asleep without feeling his lips once again. His smile can still make me weak in the knees and his touch will make me melt. To watch him with our children shows me I've made the right choice, no matter how much he gets them riled up. I don't need your advice...I have parents who have been married close to 30years...they are my inspiration. They have been married close to 30 years and are still happy, they dont use names when they fight, they agreed on our upbringing. They did marriage right...you hardly talk to your husband, your child has more control over you than the government. YOU i will NEVER ask advice from, so please don't feel the need to offer it for free

Our job

As mothers our jobs typically go unnoticed and unappreciated. For the time we put forth to raise our children-our downfalls are noticed before our accomplishments. If you have not realized this I will bring you into the light.

Go through your pictures, all your pictures of your kids. How many are you included in? Out of the ones that you are in, how many of those did you take yourself or pay someone else to take? I can pretty much guarentee you that the pictures you are now holding in your hand wont even fill one of the "walmart" flip books. It sucks, for all the work that we have done, including making them look cute for pictures, we're somehow forgotten in the picture taking process-either because we're behind the camera or we're busy trying to get other stuff done. It seems like every birthday for my children this comes into play. Although I'm right there helping open presents, washing the kids up, trying to get around talking to everyone...somehow I'm always cut out of the pictures. For my daughters 3rd bday there was two pictures of me. For my sons first I only have pictures with the cake cuz I made sure to. Some of this is my fault as my camera was full, and instead of taking pictures my sister was having to erase. Unfortunately it was also my fathers bday party and do you think we got one picture of the two of them? Or Even my mother. This is just another reason why mothers should have four sets of hands.

Next who does the potty training? I mean yes fathers are important, and my husband is working two jobs to try and get things paid off quicker. He's an amazing father and an amazing husband, but it will never cross his mind to take a picture of the kids and I sleeping because it is so cute. Over halloween I asked him to take a picture of us carving...he did...but cut me out.

As mothers we get the brunt of the attitudes, the brunt of the meltdowns. As fathers they think it is hilarious to pick on the kids and then wonder why the kids are mad. This is a trait universal with men. The minute they walk in the door it's like a switch is turned on, they decide to tickle them til they scream, or take their food out of their hands and threaten to eat it, or pin them on the floor. All of which end in one thing...the kids screaming or throwing a fit. Then our men wonder why we get mad, cuz it isn't like we havent heard enough screaming or tantrums that day. Even better when the table is turned and out of no where your children hit them, or take their food, they then want to yell at them. I DONT THINK SO. You taught that behavior!! ugh...men-they will never understand this! I promise this is universal bc after talking to many other woman--my mother included--every father does this!

Finally we kiss the boo boo's, we dry the tears, we wipe the butts, we clip the fingernails, we clip the toenails and we give the baths the majority of the time. But if your children had the chance to choose between you and daddy-they seem to always choose daddy. Unfortunately as much as you try to tell yourself that it's natural-it still hurts. But the one thing I do have to say is this. Someday they will appreciate all of this. Allbeit it probably wont be until they have kids...but someday they will. When they are grown you will know you did your job right. Sure all of this right now is a labor of love, all of this right now can wear on your last nerve. But even though they can't say thank you for all the work you do, sweet kisses, and tight hugs sometimes is the only reward we need. Your little girl will turn into your best friend and your little boy will be your biggest fan. I guess this is what we need to remember as your going through pictures, as you are dealing iwth a screaming baby, while your toddler melts down in the middle of the supermarket!!

Lets talk weight...and laziness

So as most everyone knows my daughter started soccer. She HATES it...although her father is in denial and refuses to think his daughter could possibly not like his favorite sport. I fight with her every Tues and Thurs for her to go, while there she plays 10min and then wants NOTHING to do with it. Now I'm all for getting your kids in sports and giving them a way to get out some energy-but at what point do you decide it's not working out and pull them out. I think when the coach is saying "you'd rather just sit on the sidelines" to your daughter, it's time to make a decision. She didn't want in it, she was just signed up into it, so I dont feel like we're teaching her to not finish what she started when she really has no clue as to what she was getting into. Daddy just took her. Now what does this have to do with weight?? Well let me explain. To get her to "play" her father tells her they will get ice cream after. I'm dead against this. One thing that a lot of psychologists say to avoid is rewarding children with food. Why?? It makes complete sense. How many of us have overweight family??? How many of us have watched our family members stuff themselves FULL during holidays or out of sadness. I can promise all of us. This is because they have all learned to lean on food as a "side" if you will to their emotions. Thus making this huge circle with food as the constant. If you give your child "food" as a "good job" or "it's okay" they will associate food with those feelings. NOT GOOD. As someone who HAS struggled with my weight in the past, I can promise you that you never want your child to look in the mirror and no matter how skinny they are, they always will feel fat bc they have gotten so self concious. On the other side, you dont want your child to look in the mirror and see boobs...at 9.

So where did I get so disgusted that I felt the need to post? At soccer on Tues the kids played the "blue" team. on the blue team was a little boy (they are 3 and 4 yr olds) His thighs would rub together and he'd just sit after a couple mins. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. The whole family was large, but this poor little boy was on the road to gross obesiety. They had a cooler sitting next to them and instead of giving their son water to quench his thirst during soccer they gave him Mt. Dew. Disgusting-this is another reason I think parents should be screened. Don't get me wrong my daughter drinks pop, juice boxes etc. But serioulsy playing outdoors in scortching heat, heck when it's just hot out our family more than triples our water intake. If the kid doesn't like water, try flavoring it with lemon or something, or BUY the flavored water. Dont keep it in the "water bottle" buy them a cool drink bottle they would like to drink out of. Anything to try and talk them into drinking more water. Also Tues was Gage's 1st bday which also coincided with Kaelin's Soccer so after we went for ice cream. For the hour that we were there I promise you probably 40-50ppl were in and out. Out of all those people that came and went probably 10 were not overweight, and that included us!!!!! I'm sorry I know that weight is a struggle...but the last thing some of these people need is ICE CREAM!! One girl in particular stood out. She was probably 8 or 9 and was in a size Woman's 12. She had "fat" boobs, not boobs from maturity but boobs from being overweight. She could barely sit without rolling over. Unfortunately this is NOT the little girls fault. I know some people just run big but this family wasn't one of them. Imagine being 8yrs old and not even being able to walk down the stairs without running out of breath. SERIOUSLY AND AS PARENTS YOU THINK THIS IS NORMAL??? I'm sorry but if I saw that happening to my child grilled chicken and veggies it is for dinner.

I'm sorry I may be ANAL about my weight. You may think that I care too much what I look like. But let me explain something. One of my mothers friends was married, she went in for a check up with her doctor a year later. The dr came in a yelled at her cuz she had gained 5lbs. She said to him "what's the big deal...it's only 5lbs"..in turn do you know what he told her "5lbs a year for 20 years is 100lbs"...low an behold 20yrs later she is 100lbs heavier and is kicking herself in the butt for not taking care of it when it would'be been easier. It's easier to lose 5lbs than to lose 100. Think about it.

So many parents think TV is a good alternative for kids. TV and video games..they don't put a limit to them becuase they are "educational" Hell I'm guilty of depending on the tv a little too much since the beginning of this pregnancy..but soon we'll get back to our more challenging outdoor activities and actually have some really cool things planned!! Even schools are getting into the act and not teaching children cursive and half the time don't even make them handwrite anything because of computers. I am a calculator dependent math wiz. Why?? Becuase instead of making us use our brains they handed us calculators in 4th grade. Now kids aren't going to know how to spell because they are introduced to "spell check" in third grade!!! L.A.Z.Y. Teachers don't want to spend the extra effort to "read" the kids handwritting. Instead they can make them type making their jobs easier...for themselves. In turn teaching the kids the easy way is the best!! Part of me would love to home school my children because the ideals just aren't their anymore!!! So why would kids think that going outside to run around an play would be a good idea when it's easier to just sit inside?? I do not understand the mentality of some parents now a days!! TV is not the answer to everything. I'm sorry I would prefer my children to master their english before they learn spanish. I would like to know why all these people are blaming fast food joints and large preportions for the obesiety. We all know what is healthy and what is not...but it's up to us to live by it. We all know that walking is better than sitting, running is better than walking. They're obese...not dumb. A lot of these adults who are obese grew up with "eat everything on you're plate, they're are ppl starving in indonesia" Not allowing them to know their body and know when they are full...instead making them stuff themselves stretching their stomach causing a vicious cycle. As parents it is up to us to monitor what our children eat, do and say. Yes that is a lot on our plates, after all we are raising the future.

Mr. President...I apologize!!!

As a disclaimer yet again these are my feelings toward things and this time I'm going "politcal" so I know for a fact a lot of people will not agree with me but I'm gonna say this to get it off my chest cuz I'm super annoyed with a couple of things that went down this past week while the president stopped for a visit in good ole Buffalo.

First and foremost the DAMN billboard that the "unemployed" group felt the need to spend our tax money to put up. YOU ARE ON UNEMPLOYMENT....WE ARE PAYING FOR YOU TO BE ON UNEMPLOYMENT!!! I do not appreciate you spending our money to put up a billboard that the president would barely notice. If he did notice do you REALLY think it hurt his feelings?? Do you think that he doesn't realize the country is in the toilet? During campaigning he said "I will not be able to fix these problems in a year, I might not even be able to do it in a term, but I will do my best to help our country" Now I ask you...if you are SOOO in debt there is nothing that can get you out of it-things have to get worse before they get better: aka: file for bankruptcy. This is basically where our country is...is this Obamas fault??? I seriously doubt it...can we go back to Bush for a second? When he waged a war toward someone that didn't even cause the heartbreak of our country...Millions and millions of dollars spent on finding Weapons of Mass Destrucion that didn't even exist. Have we even found the person RESPONSIBLE for Sept. 11th. No. But no millions and billions of dollars spent years ago doesn't effect the future does it?? Now honestly do you think it is the PRESIDENT in charge of our country???? I'm sorry he is doing his best to make it BACK to being in the presidents power, but for many years now it's been in the hands of the oil companies and the banks and the billion dollar executives of our country...not the president.

You want the president to end the war, now think logical. If a bunch of people came storming into your home telling you how to live, killing your people cuz you fought back for your home. Dont tell me you wouldnt be annoyed that someone was telling you the way you're living is WRONG and that you live by their rules or dont live. That's basically what Bush did...now do I support the troops absolutely, do I think that telling a country that the way they live isn't right and they need to be westernized is right. Absolutely not. Does my opinon count-not in the slightest. However now everyone wants Obama to just pull out...hello???? Even I'm smart enough to realize that's just trouble waiting to happen!!! So the people that invaded your home just tell you "Ooops soo sorry we f'ed up, we'll leave now" After killing your family, and trying to change your whole life, they leave and you'll be happy and forgive? Doubted. What about the family memebers that supported them being there? Now because they supported the invasion...now that the invaders have left do you think the family will just hug and forget? No!! So we pull out, now odds are not only will the country decide to get back at each other, but they will also decide to get back at us. Which will equal MORE money spent for protection and/or possible war in the near future. Sorry this just seems like an obvious problem to pulling out too soon before our troops can take care of what is needed to avoid this.

He's been in term for a year...and yes he some of the things that he said would be done in his first term still aren't there. But think of yourself, I'm sure that a year ago you promised yourself that you'd lose 20lbs, start a new lifestyle, get somehting done on your house, fix things in your family...and odds are some of those things you haven't achieved yet. Is the president not human??? Does he possess some great power to fix everything? Yes we are looking to him to save our country, not for nohting but us just UNITING to vote in a african american president is an amazing feat, and if anything this is showing that as a country our economy might not be great but our hearts and our heads are headed in the right direction!!

Last but not least...the older woman that said "you're a hottie with a smokin' little body"...I've read "she's a cougar", She's just looking to make a name. SERIOUSLY????? She spoke what she felt, IT'S FUNNY!!!!!! Good for her for not being so awe struck to not say what was on her mind!!! HONESTLY I was just happy to see that our "buffalonian" that was getting all the attention had all her teeth and actually spoke with some intelligence. Sure what she said wasn't profound, but it certainly was better than "Mr. President- I need a "fricken" job" Seriously WAY to make our city look smart. No wonder you don't have a job, if that's the way you use your vocabulary I wouldn't hire you. Now your picture is associated with that billboard do you think any company worth a damn will hire you after that? What happens if they have to let you go? Are you gonna use your first unemployment check on a billboard that says "You "layed" me off...that 'aint fair". At the very least I'm sure you can find a job with Wendy's, Walmart, McDonalds etc. Work part time...as long as you don't make over a certian amount you can still have an unemployment check and a check from a part time job. But half of the people unemployed are too good to work at places like that.

enough said, I know you wont all agree and I know I forgot things but I feel better.

seriously...buy some damn soap

Okay so heres the deal. We no longer need to bathe or wash our linens, undergarments and dishes...in muddy water. First there was a great invention of soap, this does wonders. At the very least it masks the smell that your body or your lazy butt hasn't taken the time to wash on a daily basis. Secondly soap is great for getting rid of germs. Oh you havent heard of those. Let me explain those are these filthy little vermin that attatch themselves to everything and carry around with them disease, colds, viruses...etc. Even things like e-coli in which if you were not aware comes from your butt!! Next clean water...this doesnt involve the boiling and sifting out of the water from the creek but instead the town does it all on its own!! Sure we pay for it, but it's well worth it when you can have sparkling teeth instead of swollen gums and teeth falling out....oh yes I forgot somehow you missed health and hygeine in high school. Well here is a quick course.

First and foremost the thing sticking out of your bathroom wall that water comes out of is called a shower....SH-OW-ER! Now what you do is you strip down naked hell if you want to wear your clothes in it will do a double service for you since you havent heard of a washing machine. Anyway...get in the shower, with a washcloth (they are a square peice of terrycloth that work very well to lather soap on) or a loufa (kinda like a big ball of net...also to lather soap) put soap on your choice of washing device and here is the kicker....lather and scrub your body. Please do not forget the most important parts under your arms and between your legs. Now rinse...if neccesary (which in your case it is) repeat. Next shampoo your hair and condition if needed. If further explaination is needed please google "Shampoo and Conditioner". When you step out of the shower you now take a large rectangular piece of terrycloth (also known as a towel) and dry off. Now before you get too carried away and feel the need to get dressed just so you dont forget, please take that bristly thing on your sink that has the handle on it and put toothpaste on it and scrub your teeth. This will help immensely with your bad breath and the fur that you feel on your teeth....even better we will really appreciate the extra effort. Next i sincerely hope that you do wash your clothes, especially since I really dont think you know what deoderant is, there fore your stench from the previous day would still be on them. To find out what deoderant is...please google.

Okay so now....god forbid, you have decided to procreate. Lord help us-I am unsure as to why perfectly wonderful...clean...people are unabel to have children and then YOU are able to concieve. Not lord help us....Lord help that child. This is where washing your dishes comes in huge. Do you really want your child to be exposed to more germs than what our world already exposes on a daily basis. Let me break it down even more. When there is GRIME around the screw top of a childs bottle, when there is formula left from the day before stuck in the nipple because you are unaware to turn the nipple inside out to wash...and rinsing does NOT count as washing. Lastly drop ins for playtex are not reusable to the point that they smell like musty old water and mildew. Reuse....1 day. This means if you are giving them formula in one bottle, you can use it again for the day, but the following day when you pull out a new bottle...you pull out a new drop in. New meaning...not rised...it mean out of the box of "drop-in's" that you purchased at the store. It's not like these are expensiver for a box of 100, you pay $10. Hell when you buy a new bottle there is a dollar coupon off the drop ins...so you now pay $9. Last but not least a nipple is not meant to be used from the day the child was born until they stop using bottles. There is a little infor also when you buy the bottle that if the nipple gets bigger than the presized piece shown than you should throw away and buy new to avoid choking.

To finish off...at the very least when you wipe your child, make sure that the poop is all off the butt cuz incase you dont know...dried on poop is harder to get off than fresh poop. I do hope that you take the time to do this to yourself...if not please do not shake my hand. If it is a boy pull the skin back from the head of his penis to avoid infection and absesses or at the very least skin irritation. Tell me as a woman would you appreciate if your vagina stuck together? I think not. I would think that if you knew how to get pregnant you know what a normal penis should look like unless of course you just let him do all the work. But further more apparently this is a cleaning thing that some hospitals dont take the time to explain how important it is!!!