Ignorant Parents

Okay, so now that everyone knows the background (quick version, but none the less). I can move on.

I grew up in the "me" generation and unfortunately many of my generation has taken that title a little too seriously!! Although I cannot just say this is a problem faced by my generation alone. It is across all boards, young and old. Becoming a parent means that in all truth...you no longer matter! This accounts for everything, if you're too tired to get out of bed, it doesn't matter. If you're sick and just want to lay down, it doesn't matter. It's your birthday, you want to go out...it doesn't matter. Why? Because you are a parent. Do you feel like you lost out? I don't!! In fact take a step back from your life...look at your children. You were once their age, you have already lived your glory. You've had years of birthdays where you were center of attention, years of Christmas'. It is now time to give that to your children. If you did not get that luxury growing up. I'm sorry your parents sucked and didn't know to put you before them! Now is your time to fix their mistake, and raise your children better.

I am a very lucky woman. Not only did I find one man that understands this concept...I found two. My daughters father, and my husband. Now Kaelin's father-Rob- was an amazing father right away. That little girl brought a light to his life that I don't think anyone else will ever compare to. He has her on a pedestal and if you cant conform to her than he doesn't want you in his life. As for our relationship, next to my husband, I can say he is my best friend. I can cry to him, I can take out my aggressions on him, I can yell at him, and in the end he is still right there. We both knew that the best thing for our daughter was to put her first. Therefore no matter how much he hurt me, whether before pregnancy or during or after, none of that mattered anymore. Also no matter how mean or hurtful I was to him in return, no longer mattered either. Why?? Because we are big enough people and mature enough adults to know that in the whole perspective of our lives, those are minute things!! The sad part of that whole paragraph is that at 20 and 25 we were more mature than most people that are middle aged. I am disgusted with the amount of people who put their kids in the middle of their battles!! Hell many people do this even if they are not separated they spend their home lives in a constant battle. My mom always said "babies aren't born with an instruction manual shoved up their asses" and to this yes she is right, it's all about trial and error when raising children, however more likely than not, if you were to use a little common sense in your parenting most of your trials will not end in error. I am going to elaborate on this for a moment....or more.

Thank heaven for common sense...really. God gave us this option, kind of like intuition. However if you don't exercise it, it doesn't do you much good. How hard is it to realize that your child deserves a chance at life without having to pick sides?? How would you have felt if your parents constantly had nothing nice to say about the other. Treat your separation like a marriage...plain and simple!!! So they cheated on you, they dumped you, they decided they were more interested in the same sex...whatever the reason- cry yourself a river, build a bridge..and .get over it!! They hurt your pride that's basically it! Are you going to die???? I think not, and if you think you are... go to the nearest psychiatric hospital...you've got some issues!! Now think about your child or children if you don't get over it. Do you think it does them good to see you moping around the house? NNNOOO! Do you think that because you're trash talking their mother/father to make yourself feel better is going to teach them respect/trust? NNNOO! Regardless of the situation on why you split you should treat the circumstances with respect. Let your children form their own opinions of their parents...cuz trust me, they will!

I stated previously that you should treat your separation like marriage. How do I mean this? It's simple. R E S P E C T..!! This means respect the father/mother of your child. At one time you were either in love enough or cared enough about each other to sleep with one another. If you got her pregnant on a one night stand or you got pregnant on a one night stand, I would consider finding yourself a leprechaun and stealing some luck because apparently you don't have any!! Moving on...You all need to get over your wounded pride and do what is best for your child. Can you even fathom the level of respect your child will give you when they reach adulthood and see just how much effort their parents put forth to give them a great childhood?

Was this an easy situation to have? Not at all, it took a lot of work to get where we are today!! Even now we still have our hiccups. We both just realize that we cant win every time, and it's not the end of the world to give in. Even better, I have an amazing husband who loves our daughter like she is his own...he also really enjoys Kaelin's fathers company. We are like one big happy family. In fact my husband and I welcomed a son, Gage, in June '09. He will grow up knowing Rob as his Uncle.

Since we were both able to be grown-ups (actually I shouldn't use that word as many "grown-ups" cant get out of their own way if their lives depended on it) so lets say mature enough, none of our agreement ever went to court. I don't ask him for money, I don't take his money. We were not going to have someone tell us when we can and cannot see our daughter. We have a system worked out that is perfect. If one of our out of state relatives comes home to visit we don't throw a fit because it's technically "our weekend". We give in, and expect the same should the shoe be on the other foot. Luckily we have a great understanding of what is the best thing for Kaelin. It might mean we have to work a little harder, but it is worth every minute when you look at that little girl and see how well rounded and adjusted she is.

So please parents, get off your high horse, take a step back and look at exactly how you are raising your child. Do you have your child's best interest in mind? If you do pat yourself on the back, you are a great parent. If you don't...it's not too late to fix the mistakes you made and start doing it the right way!!


DISCLAIMER: I do acknowledge the people out there that it is in their child's best interest to not know their mother or father. However please keep in mind that this does not mean it gives you the right to trash talk them. Respect the absent parent, even if they didn't respect you! Teach your child that forgiveness is key to a happy life! If and when you remarry be sure that person will treat your child just as you do, don't allow any less!!