Off Subject...Marriage

For those of you that don't know, my husband and I married July 19th, 2008. The date of our Wedding was literally 2 days before the year anniversary of our first date. Fast? Maybe to some people. Was I pregnant? Not at all. There was no question after the first month of dating that this was the man I was going to marry. Lucky for me...he felt the same. Three months into our relationship two days before Kaelin's first birthday he told my parents he was going to marry me. Well from then on is history. Now lets cut to the chase!

What does any of that have to do with my blog? Well, in 5 days my daughter, my son and myself are all leaving for Florida for 10days. Yes as you can see in the equation my husband is missing. He does not have enough vacation time, nor does he want to use his sick time at work...therefore he is staying home. This has it's ups and down, pro and cons, good and bad...etc. Good side/up side/pro: My husband has a job and....okay I guess that's the only up side...but it's kind of important so I'll take it. Bad side/down side/major con: How will I possibly live without my husband for 10days????? We do not do well with time apart. The longest we've been apart is 4 days...and each and everyday I cried...


Okay so I didn't finish this before we left and now we are home from vacation and I can go on...as I expected it was horrible. Yes i had fun with my children, but no matter what we did I couldn't help but feel the emptiness. My husband completes our world, he completes our fun. Everything we did just made me wish he was there, and miss him more. Needless to say I was more than ready to come home-and honestly I think so were the children.

The reason I started this blog is for the neigh sayers, the disbelievers...the jealous women (and or men) who do not understand the "relationship" thing. I cried everyday the week before we left just in anticipation of not being with my husband. I cannot tell you how many women I have come across that looked at me and said "one day you'll be glad to go on vacation without your husband". Now why would I EVER want that????? That will NOT happen, and I WILL prove you wrong. If your marriage is like that than why are you married?? We don't do separate things, we don't go out without one another. Why?? Not because he said I cant, or I said he couldn't, not because we don't drink. Because we don't enjoy ourselves without one another. There have been many times I have said to my husband...go ahead, go out I don't care you deserve it. His answer?? "not without you". Last fall my sister and I had to leave our husbands for a long weekend to go south and watch my cousin get married. My sister and I PLANNED a night out with the guys for our husbands, left them money got their ride together...everything. Had we not...they would not have done it.

Another thing I hate?? "oh well you guys are still newly married, it wont be the honeymoon phase forever"....oh well I'm sorry apparently my parents are still in the honeymoon phase because they are still happy, sexually active, and don't like to spend time away from one another. They are our model, this is who my sister and I strive to become. This is what I want my children to have someday!! If you ask me to chose a side, my children or my husband...I will chose my husband. I KNOW...I'm a horrible person but before you jump to conclusions...hear me out!! We are raising our children to conquer the world..ON THEIR OWN!!! I don't want to have to worry that my children cannot care for themselves in their 30's. Will they need help...absolutely! But that's what parents are for...but help isn't a lifestyle..it's short term...get them on their feet again. I'm not married to my children, once they leave the house...god willing...it will stay that way, then what is left? My husband...he is who i CHOSE to spend the rest of my life with...through thick and thin, good and bad...in sickness and in health.

One of the best words of advice I have ever heard is from Will Smith believe it or not. During a interview (I believe I was maybe 16) they asked him about his marriage with Jada and why they have worked when most Hollywood "marriages" fail. His answer? Divorce is not a word, nor an option in our household. Society has "ok'd" the divorce rate..it's okay, you messed up-try again...and you know what if you mess up again, go ahead have another try...in fact-try as many times as you need, and if by the time you die you've broke a million hearts and still haven't found the "one" then apparently love just wasn't for you. SERIOUSLY?? don't take the plunge if you're not 100% sure this is the man/woman you want to spend forever with...not just right now. Do I think that their is only ONE person made for us..absolutely not, but ya know what, there are very few that you know you could spend the rest of your life with as a spouse. I get that some relationships end for GOOD reason...but most, do not!! Men/women shape our outcome, every person that you have dated has been like a pro and con list. Think about it...really. Your first boyfriend to your current (husband or boyfriend) pro and con them... Now. I'll give you a couple minutes.




Okay I bet, as long as your smart, that you Pro list has grown since your first, and your con list has shrank right. Or if at the very least the worst of the cons is not repeated in future companions. If so...congrats-you are headed in the right direction!! What if it's not??? Well apparently you haven't got the dating thing down and now you can take a pointer for the "know it all" Jesika! Yes that's sarcasm masked in a little bit of anger but moving on :o)


I just have to conclude this novel by saying....my marriage is happy and it will stay that way. It will not be easy, there will be bumps in the road...he will hurt me, I will hurt him...but in the end we will not give up..each an everyday I kiss him and tell him I love him, we keep our sex life alive because it is important, we discuss our problems and both of us do not feel like we lost just because we apologize. We're going to have tempers, we're going to have tears...but in the end as long as we have each others arms to fall into-then we have succeeded....and WE are HAPPY. Who wouldn't be if they had our life??

Potty Mouth Parents

I'm not saying I don't swear. In fact if you were to know me in high school, you would be amazed to talk to me now! In high school, my most favorite word ever was the "F" word. Now I have to say that it is the one I hate the most!!!

The minute I found out I was pregnant with Kaelin (aka: The moment parenting begins) I swore to start watching my mouth. To this day I can say that it's very rare any swear words come out of my mouth inside my house...at least while my children are around. Even when my children aren't around my potty mouth is almost non existent. The "F" word is almost non existent in my vocabulary. Why? Honestly step back and listen to someone who drops the "F" bomb every two minutes, or even drops any swear words constantly. Now what do you think? Does that person sound intelligent? If you didn't know the person, is it now someone you want to meet? What if they use that language around your children? Now what if your child repeats it?

We're giving the double standard here. We want our children to learn new words, but if they repeat what they hear, and that happens to be a swear word we yell at them. Now I'm not saying Kaelin hasn't heard me swear, I've had my slip ups...no mother is perfect. In fact she has repeated after me. I don't laugh though, I don't yell at her...I ignore it, and feel horribly guilty. Children are so pure and we pollute them with our foul mouthed behavior. I grew up in a house that swearing was a second language. Not in a bad way, my parents have a wonderful marriage, I can only be so lucky to have what that have. Honestly though swearing wasn't uncommon, do I feel like it harmed me? Not at all. Do I think people who decide to swear in front of their children are bad parents...nope. I just would like people to ponder our ease of use of profanities.

One of my true pet peeves is when people on "Social Networking" sites use profanity in their status updates. If you are having a bad day...I don't hold it against you. I COMPLETELY get it, I know there are better ways to express yourself, but sometimes you just want to get it off your chest. Other times you have the people who just use it to use it. This is an annoyance to me. Enough that I decide I don't want to follow your updates. I can promise that the people that use curse words in their status updates frequently are probably using them twice as much in the home environment.

Let me give you some examples of why if overused this language is just not as effective. Go read I don't know, lets say the first 6 chapters of "The Di Vinci Code", now go read the first 6 chapters of "The Last Templar". Very similar books, though not about the same thing the two authors are writing about the same historic groups. I will tell you I could not stand Khoury's book. Why? His use of profanities. Honestly once you use them so much they just don't have the same effect. If you're using the "F" word when your character is just thinking and then use it again when he's yelling at someone...over and over and over. It's dull...the word has lost it's excitement, lost it's pizzazz! You could have just put "the" in it's place and have the same reaction from me! However when Brown writes he's a genius!! When he swears you know exactly how he means it!!

No I will not find it funny if your son or daughter repeats these on a daily basis. If you laugh your children think that it's funny and start to use it as a source of either attention or amusement. Yes it is funny if they are TRYING to say something else but it sounds like profanity. Why is this funny and the other not? Because your child isn't aware of what they are saying, what they mean to be saying is purely innocent, as opposed to actually cursing.

On a closing note-even if you don't have children try to start watching your mouth now, if you really don't care...so be it. Just honestly we as a society use these words far too often therefore they no longer have the passion they were intended for! We've become numb to these words that at one time would've caused an uproar if used inappropriately! Like I said I'm not immune to all of my rants. I am just as guilty, look at prior posts...there are swear words. It's a work in progress, but it's an easy change in your life that can make a big difference in how people perceive you!

Cobedding

Okay so this is a topic with many different views. Here no one is right...I guess it's all a matter of opinion, so of course I'm going to give you mine!

Our family does co-bed...but only for so long. There are pros and cons to our choice. I will give you the reasons why I chose this method. First and fore most I took a early childhood development class in college. One of the things we touched on was of course SIDS. Our country does not condone "Co-bedding" because of the risk of SIDS. However let me prove a point here. Our country is the second HIGHEST in SIDS cases. We are one of the few countries that not only do not sleep with our children but also put them in another room. Japan is second LOWEST in SIDS rates, and it is common tradition that the mother sleeps with their child. Is all of this a coincidence? Possibly...however I like to believe that the correlation is more than just coincidence, but rather proof.

Something else to consider: We are mammals. This shouldn't come to a surprise to anyone, however if it is I encourage you to go back to the fourth grade. Now list to yourself all the other mammals you can think of. Got it? How many of those mammals do not sleep with their offspring? EXACTLY!!

Okay so I know the next thing that is going to come out of your mouth...or through your head. How many people roll over and suffocate the baby that is in their bed? This is not a common occurrence, but yes it does happen. More than likely it is at the fault of the parent due to taking over the counter drugs or drinking, or even recreational drugs. For my family I can honestly say you do not sleep quite as sound when there is a child among you. Your instincts kick in and provided you have nothing impairing your abilities, your body knows not to roll over, etc. At your regular daytime (or evening) jobs you are told not to drink, do recreational drugs or even some over the counter drugs while on the job. Parenting is also a job--I know surprise right? So I encourage you to treat your home life with the same respect you treat your work life! If you do any of these at work you could harm yourself, others, and lose your job, If you can do these at home you can lose your child. I think your home life should warrant even more respect than work! You can find another job, but you can't replace a child. But that's my opinion!

Now let me add to this. I do not think that it is healthy to sleep with your child until they're 10. Even now, my children are in their own big kid bed and in their own room by 1.5. Why? I honestly feel that once they hit a year old their "reasoning" kicks in. They might not understand it completely but they are more equip to listen and semi understand what is going on. Does this mean it will be a cry free transition. Not at all-but I do have to say it is important to do, not only for the child's sake but if your married, for your marriages sake. I'm a strong believer in things that help keep your marriage alive. One of these I believe is...wait for it....SEX.

Now that you are a parent the morning, nooners and well lets just say when the moment strike no longer mean you can just jump on each other. So bed time is an important part of your marriage. This is why my children have a bed time, so we have time for just the two of us. This time is very special and I look forward to it each day. NOT because I am wishing my children would go to bed, but because my husbands embrace seems to melt away all of the things that went wrong that day, his kiss brings me back to reality, and his touch renews my love for him ten fold each day.

I often get "your children are so cuddly". This I credit co-bedding. My children know nothing different than to cuddle their way to dream land from the minute they were born. Kaelin-now 3-has been sleeping in her own bed and own room for two year. At first she would come in halfway through the night and crawl in bed with us...I never discouraged it. If she was extra squirmy that night, when she fell back asleep I would have my husband take her back to her room. Now she sleeps all night in her own room, with not a single peep, when she wakes up first thing in the morning she comes running into our room and crawls in. We cuddle for probably at least 10 min before actually getting up! I love this time of the day! We have a bedtime routine where we cuddle and read books before she goes to her room, so she still even gets her cuddle time at 3.

Like I said this is all matter of opinion, and my opinion may not be "right" but it's "right" for us. If I just got you to think about the "idea" of co-bedding, then I have done my job. Parenting is about thinking of every possibility and CHOOSING which way works for you. No one person is right, no one person is "wrong"....well for the most part, there are people out there that should not reproduce, but we'll leave that alone right now . Just remember if it feels good for you, then no matter what people say...fight your battle, because your battle has a meaning, maybe not to them...but to you! You and your family!! That's it for now!!

FYI: I have added a university study link that is relevant to this topic. Check it out if you would like!! http://www.uoregon.edu/~icds/Evolution_FG_files/McKenna_Cosleeping_1.pdf

Our Love Hate Relationship

Yes that's right, we've all have had this relationship while our children were young. Hopefully you learned your mistake the second time around if you had a second child. Of course I am talking about the dreaded "P" word. PACIFIERS!!!!

We all love them in the beginning. They definitely are a plus to own when you have a new born at home. However past a certain age...THEY ARE NO LONGER NEEDED. This is a big pet peeve of mine! I was guilty of it with the first. Kaelin had her paci until 15mos old. After about a 10mos old she only would get it for naps and bedtime. Unless...and this is the only reason we kept it for so long...she was teething. That little girl did not do the "teething rings", her paci's really helped her during this painful period, though that's not much of an excuse! The minute her two year molars popped through, the paci's went in the garbage.

There are two types of pacifier loving parents. Both fit the "lazy" title but in different ways. The first set of parents are the worse of the two. They are the ones that just stick the pacifier in the mouth to shut the child up. They don't want to take the time to cuddle the child or pick the child up...instead they shove this in their mouth. This is especially the case in the middle of the night. These are the women and men you've heard on the news. I'll never forget when Kaelin was a baby and a 25 year old woman taped her sons pacifier to his mouth one night "because he kept spitting it out"...the result of her ignorance? He died. Seriously...that's just another reason people should be screened when their children are born! That "mother" should be sentenced to death by Pacifier Suffocation!!

Some parents take their love for the pacifiers to the extreme. I'm sorry but if your child is still sucking on a pacifier past the age of one (yes I was guilty, I'm even yelling at myself) SHAME ON YOU!!! It is especially bad if they talk with the pacifier in their mouth! UGH!!! Really?? At the VERY LEAST take the paci away while they are awake!! Yes now that your child is old enough to realize that they are missing it, your battle just got a million times harder. They have proven that past six months there is no NEED for children to have a pacifier. Parents just don't want to listen to the child cry, and therefore give in. Piece of advice...the minute you give in, is the minute they realize they are in control. Not a good thing to let your child have more control then you. Remember you are the parent.

I was PETRIFIED to take Kaelin's pacifier away from her for this reason. I was soo worried she would carry on all night long, and it would be so traumatic for her. Well I couldn't have been more wrong. I told her that other babies needed pacifiers so we needed to give em to the small babies who need them more. I think it took 20min of crying and it was over. She really didn't even fight it! I've heard at the longest three days. Three days of tantrums are worth it. Studies have shown that Pacifier usage can cause permanent damage the growth pattern of infants teeth. Luckily since Kaelin didn't have her paci for long after her teeth came in, we didn't cause much damage. But look at these 2, 3, 4 year old children walking around with a pacifier in their mouth. The ones that talk with it in their mouth...come on parents can't you at the very least make them take it out to talk??? It's like watching someone with a mouth full of food talk, except children are hard to understand period let alone with a mouth full of plastic.

Now I can't just lay blame on parents. The industry is to blame to! Just like the industry pushes formula (this will be another topic) it pushes pacifiers. What happens at the hospital? They have pacifiers for those babies as soon as they come out. Fine! Not a big deal at that age babies need the suckling motion for comfort. However next time you go to the store waltz over to the baby section and look at the pacifiers. Of course they have every shape and size, boy vs girl, with bling, without it, hell even the pacifier holders have gotten beyond just for purpose, they are down right stylish!! Now take a closer look at the age ranges. Newborn, 0-6mon, 6mon +, Then 12mos +, 18mos +. Really? Are you completely serious I'm sorry but when the pacifier itself resembles more of the whole boob rather than just the nipple, that's just getting creepy!

I am ending my rant with a couple of ideas for you parents who are still allowing your child to suck a pacifier, past the point of which it is necessary. Hopefully one of these will help you break your child of their habit! On this note..please don't just throw the pacifier away if you haven't already started limiting it. If your child is using it all day everyday, start by just offering it at naps and bedtime. Then just at bedtime..once you are that far THEN proceed with the following if you choose. A child is not an adult...they don't understand "cold turkey" and to just take it away without gradual weaning will cause both you and your child a lot of stress!!

-Like the one I used with Kaelin: A lot of little babies really need pacifiers, so we need to pack them all up and send them to the babies so that they will feel better!
-The Pacifier fairy is coming tonight and if you surrender your pacifier she will leave you something very special. (if your child has more than one pacifier, let this span out over a couple of nights, and once all pacifiers are gone make sure to reward your child with something EXTRA special)
-Each night before bed cut a little bit of the tip of the pacifier off, In a couple days there will be nothing left to suck. If your child still wants to go to bed with it even without anything to suck on..so be it, at this point it is no longer a issue.
-Take your child to the store, have them pick out a sleep buddy. Anything soft will suffice. Explain to your child that their new sleep buddy needs the pacifier or it wont be able to sleep. Allow them one more night with their paci. The next day cut off the tip and sew the paci to the stuffed animal. Explain when they go to bed that their baby animal needs the paci now.
-Spin off of previous post, Buy a buddy, sew paci on immediately. After about a week, remove the paci from the buddy and your child. They will overcome the paci problem together and if your child is sad because no paci explain to hug their buddy, cuz they know how it feels also.

For further info please check out this link, I personally love the ideas they have!!:

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1109555/how_to_get_rid_of_the_pacifier_.html?cat=25


TODAYS DISCLAIMER: I know I have many friends who's children still use a paci. Just so you know, I don't think you are any less of a parent because of this. I love you all and I love your children to pieces. I just hope that maybe I've given you some insight that might make the transition easier on you and your child! After all you'll have to wean them eventually anyway, no one will send their child to school with a pacifier...or at least I hope!!

Ignorant Parents

Okay, so now that everyone knows the background (quick version, but none the less). I can move on.

I grew up in the "me" generation and unfortunately many of my generation has taken that title a little too seriously!! Although I cannot just say this is a problem faced by my generation alone. It is across all boards, young and old. Becoming a parent means that in all truth...you no longer matter! This accounts for everything, if you're too tired to get out of bed, it doesn't matter. If you're sick and just want to lay down, it doesn't matter. It's your birthday, you want to go out...it doesn't matter. Why? Because you are a parent. Do you feel like you lost out? I don't!! In fact take a step back from your life...look at your children. You were once their age, you have already lived your glory. You've had years of birthdays where you were center of attention, years of Christmas'. It is now time to give that to your children. If you did not get that luxury growing up. I'm sorry your parents sucked and didn't know to put you before them! Now is your time to fix their mistake, and raise your children better.

I am a very lucky woman. Not only did I find one man that understands this concept...I found two. My daughters father, and my husband. Now Kaelin's father-Rob- was an amazing father right away. That little girl brought a light to his life that I don't think anyone else will ever compare to. He has her on a pedestal and if you cant conform to her than he doesn't want you in his life. As for our relationship, next to my husband, I can say he is my best friend. I can cry to him, I can take out my aggressions on him, I can yell at him, and in the end he is still right there. We both knew that the best thing for our daughter was to put her first. Therefore no matter how much he hurt me, whether before pregnancy or during or after, none of that mattered anymore. Also no matter how mean or hurtful I was to him in return, no longer mattered either. Why?? Because we are big enough people and mature enough adults to know that in the whole perspective of our lives, those are minute things!! The sad part of that whole paragraph is that at 20 and 25 we were more mature than most people that are middle aged. I am disgusted with the amount of people who put their kids in the middle of their battles!! Hell many people do this even if they are not separated they spend their home lives in a constant battle. My mom always said "babies aren't born with an instruction manual shoved up their asses" and to this yes she is right, it's all about trial and error when raising children, however more likely than not, if you were to use a little common sense in your parenting most of your trials will not end in error. I am going to elaborate on this for a moment....or more.

Thank heaven for common sense...really. God gave us this option, kind of like intuition. However if you don't exercise it, it doesn't do you much good. How hard is it to realize that your child deserves a chance at life without having to pick sides?? How would you have felt if your parents constantly had nothing nice to say about the other. Treat your separation like a marriage...plain and simple!!! So they cheated on you, they dumped you, they decided they were more interested in the same sex...whatever the reason- cry yourself a river, build a bridge..and .get over it!! They hurt your pride that's basically it! Are you going to die???? I think not, and if you think you are... go to the nearest psychiatric hospital...you've got some issues!! Now think about your child or children if you don't get over it. Do you think it does them good to see you moping around the house? NNNOOO! Do you think that because you're trash talking their mother/father to make yourself feel better is going to teach them respect/trust? NNNOO! Regardless of the situation on why you split you should treat the circumstances with respect. Let your children form their own opinions of their parents...cuz trust me, they will!

I stated previously that you should treat your separation like marriage. How do I mean this? It's simple. R E S P E C T..!! This means respect the father/mother of your child. At one time you were either in love enough or cared enough about each other to sleep with one another. If you got her pregnant on a one night stand or you got pregnant on a one night stand, I would consider finding yourself a leprechaun and stealing some luck because apparently you don't have any!! Moving on...You all need to get over your wounded pride and do what is best for your child. Can you even fathom the level of respect your child will give you when they reach adulthood and see just how much effort their parents put forth to give them a great childhood?

Was this an easy situation to have? Not at all, it took a lot of work to get where we are today!! Even now we still have our hiccups. We both just realize that we cant win every time, and it's not the end of the world to give in. Even better, I have an amazing husband who loves our daughter like she is his own...he also really enjoys Kaelin's fathers company. We are like one big happy family. In fact my husband and I welcomed a son, Gage, in June '09. He will grow up knowing Rob as his Uncle.

Since we were both able to be grown-ups (actually I shouldn't use that word as many "grown-ups" cant get out of their own way if their lives depended on it) so lets say mature enough, none of our agreement ever went to court. I don't ask him for money, I don't take his money. We were not going to have someone tell us when we can and cannot see our daughter. We have a system worked out that is perfect. If one of our out of state relatives comes home to visit we don't throw a fit because it's technically "our weekend". We give in, and expect the same should the shoe be on the other foot. Luckily we have a great understanding of what is the best thing for Kaelin. It might mean we have to work a little harder, but it is worth every minute when you look at that little girl and see how well rounded and adjusted she is.

So please parents, get off your high horse, take a step back and look at exactly how you are raising your child. Do you have your child's best interest in mind? If you do pat yourself on the back, you are a great parent. If you don't...it's not too late to fix the mistakes you made and start doing it the right way!!


DISCLAIMER: I do acknowledge the people out there that it is in their child's best interest to not know their mother or father. However please keep in mind that this does not mean it gives you the right to trash talk them. Respect the absent parent, even if they didn't respect you! Teach your child that forgiveness is key to a happy life! If and when you remarry be sure that person will treat your child just as you do, don't allow any less!!

Facebook factoids

Facebook enthralls me!! Here you are given the right to stalk someone and...they okay it. You can look through pictures, read about their personal life, where they are living, hell even their sexual and religious choices are right there for the world to see. Even better...you could almost fore go high school reunions because of FB. Think about it..

On FB if you didn't like someone from school...you don't have to be their friend. Better yet, if they try to be your friend you can "Ignore" them and not even have to deal with the face to face confrontation. When they realize that you ignored them, it's not like they can dispute it. You basically just cyber bitch slapped them. Of course remember this comes back at you if you were a bitch in HS and people start ignoring you. It's the dirty devil getting back at you!!

The "ex" situation. Now this is the odd part, "ex's" can still be part of your life without being part of your life. You can avoid "awkward situations" via FB. Granted I've only had 3 ex boyfriends before I found my husband. Well 3 that matter. One doesn't have FB (his GF does..we're "friends") The next is the father of my daughter...who quite honestly is like my brother, so no awkwardness there. Lastly is Mike-if you read this sorry! Mike to see him in person I can promise I would turn red...not for any apparent reason-just because that's what my body does if I don't mentally prepare for things. My sister has the same problem, it's not like we actually care but apparently our subconscious does. Luckily there is FB where we can talk and it's nice but you don't deal with the awkward looks.

We know when to "go out". If hubby and I want to go out for drinks, honestly we never do, but lets say hypothetically, we would do Batavia. Why you ask? Because there isn't many people I care to run into in my home town. Once apon a time I had something in common with them, now a days we have nothing. The people I would love to run into wont be out because they are all also parents too. Go figure. Secondly I know that there isn't many people I care for my husband to run into or meet. The only day I might venture out is the beer tent during Warsaw Carnival. This is because it's easy to say "HI" then ignore someone the rest of the night with no problem!

I can stalk potential baby sitters. I'm sorry but between my personal experience, FB and Myspace I can pretty much promise you that the only people that will watch my children, until they reach an age they can fend for themselves with "supervision"...will be my Sister, my Mother and Father and my Mother-In-Law. Call me an overprotective mother but I know what most teens are thinking about, because honestly it wasn't THAT long ago that I was there.

Now lets say it's time for your HS reunion regardless of FB, you now don't have to worry about what you look like. You can see most the people you graduated with on FB. So you pull up their pages and rate them on a scale of 1-10 (don't lie, we all do it) and you can decide from there if you need to lose weight, get a makeover, go shopping etc. That's FANTASTIC. On of my biggest worries was coming back the "Fat" girl...hence my weight obsession. I now know that I'm not the only one struggling with my weight!

Lastly I can keep up with the people I care to keep up with. As a parent you don't get much time to meet up with people. When you do get time, sometimes the last thing you want to do is go somewhere. FB offers you a way to keep in touch no matter how far or close someone is. Watch friends children grow up through pictures. That's something our parents didn't get to do! They had to sit and write to one another!! IMAGINE!

Kaelin's Word Salad

This area is just for Kaelin's little tid bits of conversations we've had and for those to come:

"Mommy you have big boobies like sis, not me...I have small boobies like Tatu"


Kaelin let the cat outside, he just sat on the patio...so she YELLED: "Cat what ya doin? Get out of here...which way you wanna go? You gotta poop or you gotta pee?" I call out to her "Kaelin, Get in here and shut the door" She comes walking in "MOMMY I JUST TELLIN MY CAT WHAT TO DO!!"



She walks into the bathroom while Tatu (Todd...her name for him...means "daddy" in Polish...except, she shortened it) anyway...walks in. Todd turns around..."Kaelin get out"..."Tatu.....(sigh) you pee like daddy!"

Prologue

This is mainly for anyone who has a child from a significant other that you are no longer with. Married, not married, divorced, one night stand, mistress, sugar daddy...I don't care who you are, if this pertains to you, keep reading...

First and for most...we all have one thing in common. When we were growing up it wasn't our life goal to raise a child or children in a separated home. Yet here we are and there isn't anything we can do about it now. Quite honestly I speak for myself when I say even if I could change it I wouldn't. Second let's get one thing straight as I've touched on in previous posts parenting starts at the moment of conception...earlier if you were "trying". Therefore if you were responsible enough to have sex then you should be responsible enough to have a child. Would I have agreed with this years ago...absolutely not. If I lived by this then one of my ex's would still be a virgin and we would've never even had sex because responsibility wise neither of us were ready at that age for either. However I now say that because I have children and I want them to only know this way.

Was my daughter a mistake?? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! That little girl that is currently tucked up in her bed fast asleep was the best surprise present that anyone could have ever gotten me! Was I terrified? Completely. Here I was 20 years old, her father had just dumped me a week before, and yet here I stood with a test showing a plus sign. That week of single life I enjoyed to the fullest... Then I peed. Talk about a rude awakening. I can tell you even now I was more scared to tell her father then to tell my own parents. I told him and after the shock wore off we were used to the idea...however it took him 6 weeks to tell his parents. Ridiculous yes, but to each their own. Now it is time to explain where we went from there...

I told him from the get go that it was his choice whether or not he wanted to be in our child's life, I was not getting an abortion. He chose to stay which to this day I am thankful for. We knew that we wanted to do what was best for our child....so did that mean we got back together?? NO. This often is a mistake that SOOOO many people make. So you knocked her up, you gotta put a ring on it. Tradition says "yes"...Statistics say "no". Yes there are a few that are completely in love and get pregnant on a whoops and make it. But for many people this is not the case. Can we just think logically for a moment??

If your daughter got pregnant and the man that is the father of the child is worthless, cant hold a job, cant provide for a family, isn't social able...etc. Would you WANT your daughter to settle? Don't you want your daughter to reach for the stars, know that she doesn't need a man to make a life? Do you want her to teach her child that just because there was a slight bump in the road that you can no longer go on? Finally...don't you want your daughter to marry for love, not for "tradition", "mistakes" or "god will punish you".

If your son knocked up a girl that was rude, insensitive, selfish, a bitch...would you want him to settle? Just because he wasn't smart enough to wrap it doesn't mean he should make a final dumb decision. Step up be a man...to the child, be there for the mother. Dont marry her, if later in life you decide you are meant to be fine, but don't just jump to conclusions cuz she peed please!!

Now back to the god thing. Many "churchy" people thing having sex before marriage is wrong, let alone getting pregnant. I am not a fighter however if I ever hear anyone refer to my daughter as a "bastard child" I can promise you they will not walk away. What makes your conception better than mine?? Because you have a piece of paper stating you belong to one another. Aren't all children a blessing? I highly doubt that God will put a scarlet letter "B" on the people who walk through his gates that their parents weren't married. Hell I didn't consider blessed until that little girl was laid on my chest! So watch your tongue cuz I can promise you the relationship that we decided is most likely better than your marriage!

I remember at his brothers cook out that summer one of his fathers friends came up to him and I and was carrying on a conversation, and when he left he said "Don't worry Jes, He'll make a real woman out of ya"....really? REALLY?? I can make a real woman out of myself thank you very much. But this is the consensus of the comments of his brother and his friends. When he first told his brother, his brother asked him if he was sure it was his...hello not a slut here!! What he should have really said was "I cant believe you don't have more". Then he proceeds to ask if I did it on purpose. Yes..because the thing I wanted most in my life was to be pregnant at 20!(remain pregnant through my 21st bday) I knew that would really make my parents proud!!! Honestly I still don't care to see that brother.

Moving on....We decided to not get back together despite the positive test. We didn't work before why would this change things. 9 months later we had our beautiful daughter...7lbs 1oz 19.5". She was perfect. He was there for labor and delivery he spent as much free time as he had around us, staying at my parents house, helping out when he could. He was a great father from the gate! Now did those 9mos go off without a hitch. Nope. We fought...quite often actually. He was still going out drinking, partying-this was not affecting his social life at all. Mine...well went down the drain. Looking back it actually is amusing. I saw my real friends emerge from this scenario. Most of my "girlfriends" ditched me. Actually all of them did. Girls who had been my friends for YEARS, dropped off the face of the earth-now you get why I don't have many I consider my friends. Who emerged?? My Mother, My Sister, My Father....My cousins...and one friend in particular and he knows exactly who he is!!! But seriously without my family I would've been a mess. Did I HATE him for continuing his life...so much!!! Did I HATE him for not taking my feelings into consideration...even more!! Boy did we ever fight, and boy did I ever cry. There wasn't many nights I went to bed without hyperventilating from crying so hard!! Then I had an epiphany...Me...Myself....I NO LONGER MATTERED!!! My feelings should not count in this scenario. I knew one thing, I wanted my daughter to love her father endlessly, like I loved mine!!

I do need to point out one thing, there is one girl that I met when I was 3mos pregnant with Kaelin. She was the FIRST to know I was in labor, and to this day she means the world to me. Even though we don't talk much anymore. I just bowed out of her wedding for many reasons, one being money but that not being the whole reason. However she definitely helped me get back on my feet after Kaelin was born and for that I do need to thank her.

Parenting....for dummies

First off I will start with, by no means am I a perfect mother!! However I do my best to read, watch, learn anything that will better my children and myself so that I don't look ignorant nor my children look like terds hit with clubs to quote my father. Here are just a couple tips:

1. There is a reason that there are height and weight limits on infant carriers...the reason you ask?? FOR S A F E T Y...now lets say it together...F O R S A F E T Y!!! If your child's feet are hanging off the end or if it is ridiculously heavy for you to carry switch to an all in one. They are just as safe if not more. Also your child will enjoy it more, he/she will be able to see what is going on as they pass things...fun for the whole family!!

2. A infants age is measured in months...infants clothes are measured in months. Coincidence?? I think not! Okay I understand that there are some children that will either be too skinny or too tall or too wide to follow this rule to a "T" however they will probably only be the size under or the size above. I need to point out something. If your son is 9 mos old odd are unless he's REALLY small, 3/6mo clothing is not going to be long enough, nor will 3/6mo shirt. To dumb it down even more, if the sleeves to the shirt are at the elbows, the waist of the shirt is at the belly button...guess what?!? ITS TOO SMALL!! Secondly if the jeans are at the knees or are cutting into the belly they two are also too small!!! Then there is the other extreme, if they are falling off the waist or the neck of the shirt is slipping off the shoulder, I bet it is too big. Now to the parents who have the tall and skinny children (I have a nephew who will be this child, however luckily my sister and brother-in-law know how to handle this problem) years ago they discovered that there is something that will fit around the waist that believe it or not will make your pants fit better. It is a Belt!!!!!! What a discovery, probably should be more widely advertised, people might actually learn what they are for. (This invention does not just pertain to children, they make adult sizes also!!)

3. In every language there is a word that you must teach children young. That word is..."no". Sure things may seem cute at first but if you are trying to raise a well rounded child that knows right from wrong and listens.."no" should be the first thing you start to teach. It is harder to be a parent that says no, than a parent that says yes. It actually requires "work" to raise your children. It is also imperative to teach your children to listen!! If you just let your child run wild in the supermarket, mall...then the store should reserve the right to take your child and make you fear for their life in order to teach you a lesson!!! Yes you are never too old to learn a new lesson!! Your child's life is precious and you are putting them in danger because you are not making sure they do not leave your side or sight...there fore if some creep wants to take a child yours will be prime target!!


4. The ancient ritual of manners. I'm sorry but a very key part of our society has gone out the window and you can tell where ever you go. Manners are not EASY by any means to teach. It's very repetitive and a constant battle but will be well worth it the first time someone looks at you and says "She's/He's so polite". Make your child say please, thank you, ask nicely, share. When they don't you don't just give in!! I'm a mother who picks my battles...I don't run a "strict" house hold everything is pretty much up for grabs if you are nice, well behaved, and mind your manners. (of course a lot of that goes out the window when the grandmas are here or my sister) However there is nothing i dislike more than "MINE" or "GIMMIE" or "HEY". Yes my daughter is still learning and yes she has slip ups but they don't go unnoticed. We are constantly trying to teach her and remind her of all of these things! I will promise you that my son is going to do all of these also, AND he will learn chivalry because that has also been forgotten!

5. Parents...MIND YOUR MANNERS!!! I'm sorry but if you come to my house and your child makes a mess. OFFER TO HELP PICK UP. I would never leave your house in shambles I make my child help me pick up the mess that she/he helped make!! It's important to make your child help with this task also because they need to learn that it's not okay to just leave messes at another persons house. If you offer to pick up at my house, more likely than not I will tell you not to bother, the fact that you offered was all I wanted. How can you teach your children manners if you do not have them yourself?

6. Don't put your children in the middle. If you and the father or mother of your child are not together that doesn't mean that you all cant get a long. Yes there are going to be times they drive you nuts and/or aggravate you to no end but that is not something your child needs to see or hear. At one time you cared enough for each other to have a child together, if he/she cheated on you, dumped you, sued you, won the lottery and didn't share-whatever the case. Get over your wounded pride and put your child first, get a long for the sake of your child. Raise them to understand that just because it isn't the "ideal" situation doesn't mean that you can't make the best of it. Hell I know a woman who was abused physically and emotionally by her ex husband and yet she still put her children first! I will explain my exact situation later!

7.Car safety...yes I will admit there have been times my children haven't been in their car seats when they should have been. For that I am guilty and I do apologize but there are times it's just not worth it (going from Mcdonalds parking lot to Walmart or Walmart to Tops..etc) However there a many other things that are "Car Safety" that parents fail to realize.
-you are not supposed to put your child in their car seat with winter coats, snow suits etc. If you do you are putting your children at risk because the straps to the seat no longer fit them properly. There for, god forbid, if you were to get in a wreck your child is more likely to slip from the seat, resulting, most likely, in injury. Please see http://pediatrics.about.com/od/carseats/a/0107_wintercoat.htm for further information.
-the straps are supposed to only fit two fingers between the child's chest. Anything more you will risk them slipping out. Anything less, is bound to be uncomfortable.

8. Leave the baby talk...for the babies!! My Daughters father is guilty of this and no matter how many times I bring it up he just doesn't understand. I'm sorry but past a couple months old it is time to start talking to your children like adults. Not curse words and such but SPEAK CORRECTLY!! Don't call a dog a "woof woof" because you think it's cute when she says it...she's 2.5 it's a dog (this was one of the many arguments I had with him). Secondly don't drop syllables like Tweety "I tought I taw a putty tat" Gag me!! There are certain letters that kids just don't pronounce right until reaching a age to discover it, but that doesn't mean you don't make them try!! "L" is my daughters hardest letter, but we work with her everyday so that she understands the correct way to say things!


9. Parenting starts before the baby is even born. Apparently many people don't understand this little factoid! Parenting begins the moment the second line shows up on that pee stick!!! A few things you might want to get a pen and jot down....
-Drinking while pregnant is a no no. Sure sure a drink here and there wont "hurt" but why don't we just avoid it all together ladies? Is is that hard to take 9mos of your life and put down the bottle. Don't you want to look at that baby in your arms when it is born and marvel at how gorgeous it is, instead of looking at it and saying "well shit, now everyone will know that I drank while you were in my belly"...come on now seriously??
-Smoking while your pregnant is also not good for the baby. I was a smoker for years, in fact after my daughter turned 6mos old I started back smoking - stupid me, yes I know, I learned from my mistake!! However I quit for BOTH pregnancies. Do you know the risks you are putting your child through if you continue to smoke?? Lets talk about that...premature labor and delivery, low birth weight (each which come with their own line of problems), heart murmurs, congenital malformations, childhood cancers...the list goes on and on. Here take a moment to take a break from my page and read the following: http://med.stanford.edu/medicalreview/smrp14-16.pdf Further more, myself being guilty of this also...if you did quit while you were pregnant-props to you....now lets not be dumb enough to go right out and have a cigarette. Come on we just went 9mos without one, the hardest part is the first 3 days!! It's just as harmful to smoke after a child is born. Even if you don't smoke near your child the smoke leaves a residue on your clothes, car, hands, lips that is also cancer causing!!
-Drugs while pregnant.....this seems like a obvious yet some people really just do not have the brain to get it all which is stated in the above link and then some! Birthing a baby that's already addicted to meth/coke/heroin. You deserve to be shot and that baby deserves loving parents!!


Okay this blog is long enough time to move on, I may touch back on this at a later time just look for "Parenting....for dummies 2"