Prologue

This is mainly for anyone who has a child from a significant other that you are no longer with. Married, not married, divorced, one night stand, mistress, sugar daddy...I don't care who you are, if this pertains to you, keep reading...

First and for most...we all have one thing in common. When we were growing up it wasn't our life goal to raise a child or children in a separated home. Yet here we are and there isn't anything we can do about it now. Quite honestly I speak for myself when I say even if I could change it I wouldn't. Second let's get one thing straight as I've touched on in previous posts parenting starts at the moment of conception...earlier if you were "trying". Therefore if you were responsible enough to have sex then you should be responsible enough to have a child. Would I have agreed with this years ago...absolutely not. If I lived by this then one of my ex's would still be a virgin and we would've never even had sex because responsibility wise neither of us were ready at that age for either. However I now say that because I have children and I want them to only know this way.

Was my daughter a mistake?? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! That little girl that is currently tucked up in her bed fast asleep was the best surprise present that anyone could have ever gotten me! Was I terrified? Completely. Here I was 20 years old, her father had just dumped me a week before, and yet here I stood with a test showing a plus sign. That week of single life I enjoyed to the fullest... Then I peed. Talk about a rude awakening. I can tell you even now I was more scared to tell her father then to tell my own parents. I told him and after the shock wore off we were used to the idea...however it took him 6 weeks to tell his parents. Ridiculous yes, but to each their own. Now it is time to explain where we went from there...

I told him from the get go that it was his choice whether or not he wanted to be in our child's life, I was not getting an abortion. He chose to stay which to this day I am thankful for. We knew that we wanted to do what was best for our child....so did that mean we got back together?? NO. This often is a mistake that SOOOO many people make. So you knocked her up, you gotta put a ring on it. Tradition says "yes"...Statistics say "no". Yes there are a few that are completely in love and get pregnant on a whoops and make it. But for many people this is not the case. Can we just think logically for a moment??

If your daughter got pregnant and the man that is the father of the child is worthless, cant hold a job, cant provide for a family, isn't social able...etc. Would you WANT your daughter to settle? Don't you want your daughter to reach for the stars, know that she doesn't need a man to make a life? Do you want her to teach her child that just because there was a slight bump in the road that you can no longer go on? Finally...don't you want your daughter to marry for love, not for "tradition", "mistakes" or "god will punish you".

If your son knocked up a girl that was rude, insensitive, selfish, a bitch...would you want him to settle? Just because he wasn't smart enough to wrap it doesn't mean he should make a final dumb decision. Step up be a man...to the child, be there for the mother. Dont marry her, if later in life you decide you are meant to be fine, but don't just jump to conclusions cuz she peed please!!

Now back to the god thing. Many "churchy" people thing having sex before marriage is wrong, let alone getting pregnant. I am not a fighter however if I ever hear anyone refer to my daughter as a "bastard child" I can promise you they will not walk away. What makes your conception better than mine?? Because you have a piece of paper stating you belong to one another. Aren't all children a blessing? I highly doubt that God will put a scarlet letter "B" on the people who walk through his gates that their parents weren't married. Hell I didn't consider blessed until that little girl was laid on my chest! So watch your tongue cuz I can promise you the relationship that we decided is most likely better than your marriage!

I remember at his brothers cook out that summer one of his fathers friends came up to him and I and was carrying on a conversation, and when he left he said "Don't worry Jes, He'll make a real woman out of ya"....really? REALLY?? I can make a real woman out of myself thank you very much. But this is the consensus of the comments of his brother and his friends. When he first told his brother, his brother asked him if he was sure it was his...hello not a slut here!! What he should have really said was "I cant believe you don't have more". Then he proceeds to ask if I did it on purpose. Yes..because the thing I wanted most in my life was to be pregnant at 20!(remain pregnant through my 21st bday) I knew that would really make my parents proud!!! Honestly I still don't care to see that brother.

Moving on....We decided to not get back together despite the positive test. We didn't work before why would this change things. 9 months later we had our beautiful daughter...7lbs 1oz 19.5". She was perfect. He was there for labor and delivery he spent as much free time as he had around us, staying at my parents house, helping out when he could. He was a great father from the gate! Now did those 9mos go off without a hitch. Nope. We fought...quite often actually. He was still going out drinking, partying-this was not affecting his social life at all. Mine...well went down the drain. Looking back it actually is amusing. I saw my real friends emerge from this scenario. Most of my "girlfriends" ditched me. Actually all of them did. Girls who had been my friends for YEARS, dropped off the face of the earth-now you get why I don't have many I consider my friends. Who emerged?? My Mother, My Sister, My Father....My cousins...and one friend in particular and he knows exactly who he is!!! But seriously without my family I would've been a mess. Did I HATE him for continuing his life...so much!!! Did I HATE him for not taking my feelings into consideration...even more!! Boy did we ever fight, and boy did I ever cry. There wasn't many nights I went to bed without hyperventilating from crying so hard!! Then I had an epiphany...Me...Myself....I NO LONGER MATTERED!!! My feelings should not count in this scenario. I knew one thing, I wanted my daughter to love her father endlessly, like I loved mine!!

I do need to point out one thing, there is one girl that I met when I was 3mos pregnant with Kaelin. She was the FIRST to know I was in labor, and to this day she means the world to me. Even though we don't talk much anymore. I just bowed out of her wedding for many reasons, one being money but that not being the whole reason. However she definitely helped me get back on my feet after Kaelin was born and for that I do need to thank her.