Life Lessons? or something more?

In less than a month I will be turning 25. To some of you this might not seem like a big deal, but to me it has certainly got me thinking. I'm very happy of where my life is now, but I can't help but notice some things that I thought would be there, that arent. One obvious in my grandfather, I guess no matter how many years it has been he is the first that brings tears to my eyes when I think about all that I wasn't able to share with him. Next would be my Uncle Tim, I am thankful that he was able to meet my children but still cannot understand why he was taken so early and so unexpectedly. Now those are givens. We all miss those who cannot be here anymore. But what about others? Friends that you thought nothing could ever come between you and them...just to find now that there is nothing at all in common, or maybe some more things that attributed to the fallout.

My family members and most people I went to school with can guess who I am talking about. Pretty much all through High School we were inseperable. Even when we went onto college with different majors we still stayed relatively close. We went out a lot together and most people probably could hear us coming from a mile away. She was the first to say to me "You're Pregnant" I laughed and told her she was soo wrong, 4 days later she was the first person I called when that + appeared. Her reaction? "it's okay, we'll get through this...this is a beautiful thing not sad" I'll never forget that conversation. She went to my first Ultrasound with me, this seemed to make our friendship stronger...or so I thought. Soon after I stopped hearing from her. She's met my daughter twice in the almost 4 years she's been here.

At first this whole thing really bothered me. I was hurt. Actually this was how a lot of my friendships went down after my blessing happened. I lost contact with most everyone. The only person I had left from my "previous" life was Laney...who to this day remains my truest and closest friend. However now looking back I find that many people that I once had a "connection" with, seem so obsolete in the whole picture. I always wanted children young, although I didnt make the choice as to what age (or if you want to get technical yes I was having sex so I should know its a probable outcome) However I am happy that parenthood chose me before I chose career. I know that this is a horrible thing to say but my feelings are just those. I will be able to enjoy my children so much more as adults than I would've if I waited another 10years to have them. However this does come at a cost. There are very few that are my age that carry the same weight of having a family on their shoulders. In fact many are just starting to get married, no pregnant with number 3...family almost finished. Thus having a common factor to talk about with old friends is few and far between. They prefer to talk about the wild time they had over the weekend, or the latest concert they attended. I on the other hand am talking about Potty training, constipation, hitting, biting, teething, preschool...the list goes on.

Then you have the other group, the people that are your age, that are in your same boat...but you HARDLY have time to discuss your daily lives with them because you have a toddler hanging on your leg and a infant screaming at the top of their lungs cuz they want SOMETHING and you have NO IDEA what that something is.

I'm sure you all are wondering what this has to do with life lessons. Have you ever sat and thought about it? Thought about your past into detail. What was the most important thing that you and a friend of the past had in common? Drinking? Smoking? Boys? Most likely you didn't share the same ideals about the future. She's a physical Therapist somewhere in Rochester, she was married not long after myself, but has no children. I ran into her while out to dinner and the sound of her voice made me cringe as she called my name. This is when I realized I'm glad she's not a "key" figure in my childrens upbringing. She made worse choices than I did in our High School Years. She has book smarts...but not street. She cares entirely too much about how she "appears" to the outer world and not so much about how her actions speak volumes to her credibility. I will not turn down explaining the story about what happened to our friendship if asked. Life lesson..absolutely, she was the first to teach me that the only people I can really depend on is my family. Something more- Ofcourse; because I can't help but think that this is the way god intended for it to be- a reminder of I may not have my career, but I have my family...I may not have many "close" friends, but that is because they also bear the names of "mother" "sister" and "husband" all of which are much more dear titles than Best Friend.